The von Herrmann Ventures

My View From the Nest

2012-02-09T10:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, and at 8 days old, James smiled at me. I looked down to see the precious bundle in my arms and was caught in his gaze of joy. You can imagine how I knew my day was already made. Knowing he is my last baby makes me enjoy every part, and for those tiring and repetitive tasks that perhaps seemed tedious or hard with his siblings, seem the most momentous of work with him. I can honestly say that I am loving being up at nights with him, changing yet another diaper (after having just replaced his last one), getting spit up on, and yes, even looking and feeling less rested. In my own sense, I know the nest I'd made for my babies is gone, and so in my own body, my own empty nest, I am counting my hatched eggs, letting God bind my broken wings, and am learning how to enjoy the view for the days ahead.

Still, a few days after coming home from the hospital, I woke up one morning and had "that cry." It's the one you have when someone very close to you dies, and a release that I haven't experienced very often. In that quiet moment in my room, James nearby sleeping sound, and everyone else downstairs eating breakfast, I again thought through every detail of what had just happened in the hospital (a story that Paul had to tell to me in full, since I couldn't recall most of my 4 hour surgery and early recovery). I then considered every one of my births, their difficulties, their joys. I also remembered the talk Paul and I had had at the top of Stone Mountain over ten years ago when we discussed marriage and both desired to have have "4 kids." I realized the dream, I knew I was living it, and yet, I still cried. I hurt for the loss of something that had carried life in me, and then I cried for the gain of having had the opportunity to be the carrier.

I felt so peaceful at first about my surgery having made it through (and without the need for another surgery) and hadn't expected to grieve at all (though others had suggested I would need to). Still, the tears were necessary. Just as my body is now healing double time, from the c-section and approximately 350 internal staples, my heart is beating at new levels. In life, I believe that there are momentous periods, where one can heal, inspire, or grow. For me, in this experience, it's all of the above.

Honestly, I am beginning to see over and over again that I shouldn't discount a trial in my life as mainly suffering. Even so, with suffering comes a unique opportunity to exhibit Christ-like faith. While in my second day of recovery at the hospital a nurse came up to me and told me that a certain pediatrician, who was examining James in his middle of the night check-up, and one who is (as she put it) "very cynical" when it comes to anything religious, took the verse of out of his hospital bed that we'd placed there, and told her that he read the "whole thing" and that "he liked it." He made a concerted effort to go out of his way to tell this nurse about his experience and she passed this news on to us. She told me, "I just couldn't believe it. I mean, I can tell that you go to church, and so do I, but him! I just couldn't believe it."

This verse has also ministered to me and meant more than ever, just as pictures the day before James was born mean so much.

I know I will never have another 8th day with my new baby, but I am able to smile back at his reflection knowing I may never have had the opportunity in the first place. Life is a beautiful thing, and I plan on living mine not vicariously through what more could have been, but what bountiful blessings I already have in front of me.

James 1:2-4

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Peaceful Understanding

2012-02-01T18:37:00.000-08:00

I was recommended after my third C-section (from my last OB) that I should stop having babies (despite him giving me the clear to having another while in that surgery). However, for us, that decision had yet to be made. Still, and surprisingly, I later became pregnant with another child. Though sadly, that little one soon went back to God. Two months later, we learned that another was on the way. That baby I met yesterday and is my precious son James.

Perhaps that doctor was right. Not having a 4th C-section might have been wise. I realize this now that I have come through my latest surgery, one that went more smoothly than all of the others, until James was delivered and I was soon intubated unknowingly, with my platelets dropping, while I was transfused blood and platelets, then given a hysterectomy due to unstoppable bleeding from my uterus. Perhaps my last OB was right, but even more so now, I know my heavenly doctor, healer, and giver of life was over all and His path for me, for us, was perfect.

I am still processing the last day with more peace in my being than ever before. All I knew of the surgery initially was that James was here and well. I cried tears of joy and completion of our family (from a peace in our hearts), and not minutes before official completion of my child bearing days were about to end. I remember hearing of the time of his birth (soon after 8 a.m.) and then waking up in a recovery room surrounded by people at 2:00 p.m. It took me hours to come to, to realize and understand what had just happened to and around me.

Before having children, I recall talking with my dad about my fears of bringing children "into this world." His response to my insecurities for then and now was wise, "God didn't call us to fear, but He commanded us to multiply and trust Him."

Trust. Yesterday I put my life in the hands of others to deliver my son and myself. Later on in the day, my current OB told me that strangely (and perhaps perfectly so) she'd felt impressed with something she couldn't shake going into my surgery. She knew logically ahead of time that things should be "fine," but still, felt uneasy. When she was in my surgery working on me, she realized it was prompting (God!) that had prepared her perfectly for the unexpected. I shared with her of my similar and unusual peace that I had the entire night before, the entire early morning, and through my alert times in the surgery. I honestly cannot describe this peace in words. I just KNOW who provided this peace. We both agreed God had been with us.

So, here I am tonight, momentarily alone with my son in my mother/baby room, recovering from his birth (and hundreds of staples), while rediscovering my calling to be the best mother I can be to the four children GOD has given us.

And I have a peace that passes all understanding...

He Is Here!

2012-01-31T14:11:00.000-08:00

James Richard von Herrmann was born on January 31 at 8:09 a.m. via C-section. He weighed 7 lbs and 8 ounces at birth and so far seems to look most like Aimee or Luke. Missy is recovering and is doing better.

The name James means, "one who follows," and is very fitting for our final baby and son. As all of our children share some form of a family name, his name can be found on both sides of our families from past to present, making it even more special to us.

Our James, perhaps to be nicknamed "Junior" (from his initials J.R.) is most certainly entering a family where he is loved. Of course, "Richard" is in honor of Missy's dad, Richard Cockman. "Richard" is also a well-loved name on Missy's side from her Grandpa Moore (also a "Richard") and her uncle (Richard Moore). As Richard means "powerful leader," we pray that this baby who "follows" a line of siblings will indeed be a "leader" in his own gifts.

James's dedicated bible verse at birth is from James 1:12:

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."

We are so excited to share his birth announcement with you, as well as these first pictures of his life!

Paul and Missy

The Steady Slow-Go

2012-01-19T20:18:00.000-08:00

When Aimee told me after lunch the other day that she wanted to take a nap on my bed, I thought, "Yea right." My kids seem to acheive the "no need for a nap" milestone after age three. On days when I have longed for one myself, I have even asked her if she would like to take one. In typical Aimee fashion she has often responded, "Um, no thank-you."

Regardless, I made her a spot, gathered some of her favorite cuddle items, and left the room to her giggles echoing behind the door. Surprisingly and soon, I realized downstairs that I had two sleeping kids in the house, another away at school, and one calmly nestled inside me (but not for long). It was a rare, serene moment, especially with the comparison of the remaining snow blanketing the ground outside.

I find it appropriate that my final days of pregnancy are contained mostly within my home. Winter has a way of making me nostalgic, and for our kids, our coming baby has made them aware that just as mommy is slowing down, life is about to pick back up. Of course, finding Luke in the baby swing has also reminded him (as I say "No, that is for the baby," ) that order is really only a temporary stance in life. Unfortunately, I am a lover of order. Alongside a newborn comes the reality of more noise, less energy, and more mess. Still, for all that seems steady and never slow, babies have a way of making one stop and smile at the simple. I am so looking forward to my view from the other side of what seems like a blink, like a series of gestational naps, leading up to this day where I wake up and all that I see around me is family. God wrote our story a long time ago. We are now just beginning to read it.

This chapter in our lives, in a new state, and in a house and car quickly crowded, has sent each of our children to their own corner of calming interest. Ellie has excitedly been counting down the days on her school calendar until her brother arrives. She has also prayed the sweetest prayers of his safe arrival and that "no one will drop him" when he comes home. During most afternoons, Aimee has started coloring pictures inside of the lines and with quiet content, letting me see her growing maturity and desire in becoming a bigger girl. Luke, despite his jet engine energy, has delighted us with never getting out of bed in the mornings, though he often talks to himself for over an hour before he is retrieved. We often walk into his room and find him sitting up, covers over his head, laughing.

Paul and I have a feeling that one day (in our very near future) we will arrive at the hospital, look at each other without words, and soon after simply have our son. This pregnant go-round has been a steady series of events, but we anticipate the pause soon to come, and in the form of him. We so look forward to sharing our news with you as time unwinds from here (in prayerful hope for all things happy and healthy) soon.

Dear Son

2012-01-09T08:55:00.000-08:00

Son,

I am writing straight, once, and now. I am thinking of you tonight; I am thinking of me. I am remembering a young girl with dreams and seeing a grown woman with age, and almost 33 years. My life is not what I imagined. It's better. It's harder. It has asked more of me, even so there can be you. I woke up last night with my first twinge of fear in thought of our surgery soon to come. Then, I remembered God. Then, I slept soundly.

Days are only between us now. Days, steps, and hope. It's unusual to wonder about someone, and then in an instant feel as though you've always known them. You are that puzzle for a moment, soon to be that puzzle piece to fit perfectly as you are intended in our lives.

A newborn you. I've done this before, but then never this way. You are the lucky one. I know my faults better than the first go-round. I know to throw all books out...but ONE. I realize that all things tiring only last for a time, as do little clothes. I know how precious milestones are, even at the expense of so many doctor visits. I know the joy of middle of the night songs never sung before and never sung again. I want to enjoy this exhaustion with you. I want to end the young years well.

Until tomorrow,
Mom
(36 weeks)

To 35 Weeks...And A Little More

2012-01-01T17:51:00.000-08:00

It's true. Everything has a beginning, though ultimately, everything also has a timely end.

In terms of being pregnant, everyone round must return to their original shape. Cravings must calm down. Waddling must balance out. Sugary glucose tests, weigh-ins, late-night bathroom trips, cravings of all kinds, frequent office visits, prenatal vitamins, sicknesses from morning to night, lack of balance, Charlie horses, lack of memory, random strangers touching your belly, heartburn, and all other un-pleasantries, must cease. Trimesters finally do see their day. Unfortunately, so goes the indescribable movement of little life inside, a feeling almost immediately gone at delivery, leaving one to feel empty until one's arms are filled with that precious, intended bundle.

Regardless, motherhood must continue to commence for me outside of the womb, and joyfully so. I have been carrying the next generation of von Herrmanns for half of my marriage to Paul. It's not a state I have been, but a manner that we have become. We realize that each of our children are not here with us because of happenstance, but because of a purpose to be fulfilled in our and their lives.

It's an honor to be an expectant carrier of life to one's family. It's also hard work, no joke, and most definitely no turning back. In growing one that starts off as small as a pencil point, to delivering a flush personality of vitality at birth, to raising a unique human being with a visible soul, all that motherhood entails calls one to side-line individuality indefinitely. As my first O.B. told me of returning to my old self, "You will never be the same."

However, it's time to pass on my maternity clothes. Yet, I am not waving a white flag of surrender. I haven't had too much or my hands too full. No, this pregnancy is simply different. I've realized that I'm not only growing a baby, but a sincere peace of completion in numbers with this coming life. This little boy fulfills more than any dream I could have for myself, my spouse, or his siblings. This baby, as all others, is a gift, wrapped up by God, and planted for us in His commanding call of now.

From his birth and on out, "taking it easy" will no longer be a charge spoken over me. Just as children are called to obey, I am called to serve--and to each one, his and her own. I better enjoy eating "for two" for the next few weeks though, while I still have the excuse.

Christmas: The Left-Overs

2011-12-29T22:14:00.000-08:00

I hardly took any pictures this year. I was too busy doing what these sprinkles did when they were all combined by the girls--sitting and sparkling memories in. They, like me, were surrounded by a mesh of personality and color, trying to pull out what was the most sweet moment while it was all happening.

I ate a lot this year. Not as much as I could have though. A month of non-stop "something sickness" and a bulging baby belly made sure of that. I was most full at the table surrounded by different crowds of family and all timely placed.

I saw a lot of excitement this year. The kids were constantly moving, except at their pushed back bed times. A growing girl passed out cold quickly on the couch from a late-night basketball date with Daddy to Rupp Arena. A little boy jumped at a train set and eventually relented to a double ear infection on his Pappaw's lap and later his Mommee's arms. Our big girl did circles around a hula hoop and new speeds on a scooter. There was never a happier holiday, despite having to slow to it from time to time.

I hope I don't forget this year. Unlike the foods still waiting to disappear like the crowds in our refrigerator I hope to savor old memories like new in the years still unknown to us. For now, I continue to take in what tasted so good.

The SIDES:

A usual amount of kids in our bed at an unusual time in the morning...AFTER the sun around 8:00 a.m.
Having help from family while 34 weeks pregnant.
Laughing more than I coughed for the first time in weeks.

The SAVORYS:

Hearing the kids glee at seeing the light display at the Kentucky Horse Park.
Bringing homemade cookies to our neighbors.
Having a good friend and her kids stop in on a road trip and have dinner with us.
Running downstairs every morning to find "Shep," our elf on a shelf, and then having him magically disappear again each night.
Eggnog at nights by the fire, and right before advent.

The SWEETS:

Having Daddy (Paul) home for more than a few hours at a time while in residency.
Our CARS 2 movie night with my family, all wearing glow and making smores in the fireplace. (And Luke saying, "CARS 2!" constantly afterward.)
Recording and watching every Christmas cartoon that came on television in our pajamas.
Having a second Christmas morning with the kids and with the von Herrmanns.
Simply being all together.

Christmas Card 2011

2011-12-29T20:36:00.001-08:00

Little Gymnast

2011-12-15T10:45:00.000-08:00

Aimee completed her semester at the Little Gym on Monday. It may be her only season there, but for what it was worth, I really enjoyed watching her in an element all to her own and just for her. (It wasn't as easy to chase Luke for an entire hour early on Mondays and while pregnant.)

They hosted an adorable program for the parents and allowed each child to demonstrate things that they had learned (even just following instructions, which is great). Aimee is a true athlete and I look forward to seeing how she excels in various ways in the future. Here were some of my favorite moments of her performance:

Paul and I agree that little 3 year old girls are simply adorable (mostly sugar and not spice). In thinking she is only a few short months away from being 4, I keep taking pictures of her at home. If only I could bottle up her adorable voice at this age.

And Then He Was 2

2011-12-09T19:11:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Luke!

Here are some highlights in pictures of his party at home.

His cake

(Mommy's rendition of his little Buzz landing on Alien planet, surrounded by his friends):

His gifts:

A Mater outfit to play in (he was trying to rip apart the packaging):

And finally his Big Buzz!

The result of his happy night:

Almost 2 Much

2011-12-04T17:32:00.000-08:00

Luke will be 2 on Friday. I'm not entirely in denial of this fact, as he already resembles a full-fledged boy in so many ways. Often I am told the most true extremes of him from nursery workers to strangers:

"He was good today...just full of energy."

"He is the fastest little boy I have ever seen."

Certainly a quiet moment in the house often means he is busily "into something" as I have learned. I have no guesses yet as to what he will aspire to, but already I have seen his engineer/experimental-like ways, breaking toys to see how they work, opening doors in the early morning to wake others up, and testing out the cause and effect of dumping out everything known to organized man into a heap and then running away as fast as possible.

His loves at his stage are simple. He loves to eat (and right when he is hungry). He loves to play (and have everything working in mechanical fashion at all times, as seen with his train set). He doesn't like to disappoint (he often says "oh no"), but he does like to test out his limits (I think he knows more of what is wrong earlier than even the girls did). He is also extremely loving. When Paul calls to say he is on the way home from work, Luke will ask me to pull up the blinds and will sit in front of our dining room window, staring out into a dark scene with nothing to see, for minutes on end just waiting for "Daddy." When one of his sister's cries, he runs to comfort them. Often when he hugs me (and seemingly tighter these days) his simple, "Oh Mommy," to me makes me look past all his rough and tumble and to his gentle and sweet.

Surprisingly, he is also helpful in funny ways. He loves to help me unload the washing machine and put the wet clothes in the drier. He loves to be the one to put a cup of cat food into Piper's bowl. He also loves to tell me what Aimee is doing every minute of the day ("Aimee" is basically his favorite word). He will even go so far as to tell me that he is dirty and bring me a diaper, but then run away crying because he doesn't want to be changed.

Of course, I love to celebrate the lives of my babies, and already Luke has had two different occasions to be reminded of how much he is loved. My mom showered him with some boy cars and trucks during her recent trip for his birthday. While we were in Atlanta for Thanksgiving weekend, we also celebrated with his grandparents and Aunt Laura and he shocked me by even being able to sing a long to his own song:

While in Atlanta last week, I also went ahead and impromptu came up with a themed cake for him while I had the time. This one is his Spiderman cake. A more simple Buzz Lightyear one will come on his actual day.

Still, I am in awe of how different he is as a boy and as my third child. All week he has been making me laugh as I've heard him say his new favorite phrase(s) to his sisters:

"Come on guys! Hey, Guys!"

As my little guy, I cherish these days with him as the youngest, though not for long. Another round of celebrating will come this week here at home and a few special presents given from us. Then "2" will become him. At this point of his life, although still so dependent, he is a valuable fixture to us all. It's too much to consider life without him. He is his namesake, and a "bringer of light" to all of our days.

(Last year at his 1st birthday, same chair at the von Herrmann's house):

(This year, almost 2):

I LOVE YOU LUKE!

Laugh and Love

2011-11-22T05:35:00.000-08:00

Here are some various pictures of the kids over the last few weeks that make me laugh and love them more.

(Paul and Ellie got to go to a second football game one weekend. Ellie thought it was hilarious that Daddy looked like he had a hairy pom pom shoulder in this picture.)

(She had to do her hair differently for this game. She also found the Auburn flag and wanted to pose under it.)

(Ellie is really into role playing. While watching Tinkerbell, she put on paper wings and flew around the room. See Luke in the fireplace reflection?)

(I'm a little proud. These are Ellie's first four spelling tests. Her first graded papers ever. She comes home and tells us that she got another "plus A" again:)

(This was Luke in his big boy bed his first night.)

(When my mom was here, she brought the girls a box of old dresses that my sisters and I used to wear. They have been great for play time.)

(Luke loves to wear these glasses from his Dr. kit. I think he looks like a little Einstein here, especially with this sweater on.)

(He actually asked me to take a picture while we were sitting together on the couch. Silly boy.)

(Aimee rocking away in my old chair.)

(A tiring Sunday afternoon in Daddy's arms.)

Hints of Him

2011-11-21T04:35:00.000-08:00

It's strange, but having only lived in this house for nearly five months, our home has undergone a lot of change. There is of course the structural changes that have made life easier, such as installing an attic door in our garage (so as to have storage and a place to park our cars) or a fireplace cover (so as to warm our home and safely with our children). As always, Paul has also saved the day with needed fixes that continue to amaze me with what he can do (such as fix a broken garage door, save us from calling a plumber, install a bathroom fan/light, run medal piping under the house to the dryer, etc., to name a few).

(Paul inside the fireplace during the door installation.)

However, nothing compares with how we are changing within these walls. Our family structure is once again growing and stretching. I still find it hard to consider that on this baby's planned birthday (January 31), we will have a 5, 3, and 2 year old. I still stare at our kids and wonder how we made it through all of their prior stages. It's strange to see the reactions of others when I am out alone (and when asked if this baby is my first) to say, no, I have three others! I really, truly didn't think after Luke's birth that I would see another day when I would be preparing for another baby....in another house.... in another state.

Even with every baby item known to Babies R Us saved, even with all of the old diaper boxes labeled and filled with newborn to current girl/boy clothes, in my own strength I thought we were complete. My first-born, type-A, lover of order self thought I had all I could handle. However, God knew I needed to be pushed beyond my limit to learn to rely on Him more and see that indeed, in the process I could even see life in a happier fashion.

In this process, I don't think that I have ever been so inspired to create in my life--sew, write, you name it while waiting for this baby to arrive. Seriously, normal life with my family is more than a full-time job, but making our home appear more "us" brings me such joy. Here are some of my more recent nesting projects:

Luke's room:
Only a week ago, Luke's room was filled with a crib (though no longer used), a toddler bed, and a changing table. Since, it has undergone this transformation, and to one little boy's glee:

My mom graciously came for a visit to help me repaint his room (to a lighter gray) and to set things up. Aimee read books and enjoyed herself in the process.

Now his room is nearly complete (Paul's old toy-box needs refinishing and I will add a few more things to his walls).

My special project for Luke was making him his own tie valance, an idea I have had for years, that I wound up coming up with in trial and error layouts and several nights of sewing:

It makes me so happy that he even noticed the sports ball buttons I sewed on. He asks me to lift him up to see them, and even though I shouldn't due to my back, I haven't been able to resist his asking me completely.

I've also been busy putting together various framed pictures and frames around the house. I surprised Paul one night by finding on our old wedding film a picture of us coming down the aisle that we have always loved, but never had up in the house. It now decorates our stairwell.

I am most excited about finishing up the bible verse project I have been meaning to do for some time. Now in our den, it showcases the verses we dedicated to each of our children at their births and even holds the sonogram picture of this little one. Ellie, now reading some to us, was excited when Paul picked her up and asked her to read what she could of her verse.

Lastly, the playroom has now dissolved into the nursery, and besides needing to have Paul hang a mirror for me, the appearance of the room is complete. Most of the same items were borrowed from Luke's former nursery (staying with the same theme as I had also done with the girls), though a few touches are new (such as adding Paul's former flight patches above the changing table). If you look closely enough, you will even find a very girly-looking play kitchen in his room, covered up by yet another one of my projects--a more boy friendly fabric I found and specially fitted to cover it and not distract from his room (since there is no where else to put it in the house and the girls weren't ready to part with it).

FORMER PLAYROOM:

CURRENT NURSERY:

Next comes the baby books (updating all of them) and then the baby. These hints of him already make me see us as a family of six. It's such a humbling and overwhelming thought.

Discovering the Difference of Disney

2011-11-10T12:50:00.000-08:00

If you are a parent with young children, you were probably up early this past Sunday due to "falling back" one hour in time. Of course, kids know no hour change, and long before other porch lights were turned on in our neighborhood, we were up and able to squeeze in a movie and beignets (addictive Louisiana powered doughnuts Paul made) and all before getting ready for church.

During the dark, early hours I caught a familiar moment with the kids while they watched a Tinkerbell movie they hadn't seen (or as Aimee says, "Tinkerbelt"). When the intro. music played and the Disney castle was shown, I laughed as they all excitedly put their hands up and eagerly awaited for WHICH movie they were about to see. These days, Luke leads the pack and makes sure everyone is "in position" before a movie title plays. Then they usually clap and cheer. It is one of those fun/quirky things I started with Ellie when she was young, and now I wonder about...with greater depth.

Several months back, and while in Florida, I was riding in the back seat of our car with Ellie watching whatever Disney princess movie was on, when Ellie asked me why so many of the princesses only had ONE parent. Hmm, I thought, she is on to something.

Ariel: In the story you only meet her king/merman dad who has a long, white beard and has multiple children (who are mostly girls...though I can relate with that!). There is NO mention of her mother.

Belle: She only has an inventor dad, who also appears along in age. Again, no news of her mother. Even in the original story, the Beast's parents are invisible in the castle until the spell is broken. They are just a couple of kids without much of a parent base.
Jasmine: She has a sultan dad, again old (a trend?). Mention of mother in this one? Nope.
Cinderella: Her dad remarries a horrible woman, dies, and leaves her with a dysfunctional, unkind, and lazy family. A fairy godmother is the one to help her turn her life situations around.

Snow White: She is somewhat of an orphan, forced to flee to the woods, and is taken in by little men. Enough said.

Ellie had a point. Where is a dad, mom, and child, all living together, under one roof (or in one sea)?

Even in the Toy Story series (which we have memorized) Andy only has a mom. She always seems stressed out in her need to maintain a clutter-less life (constant yard sales) or get her kids to their next activities (cowboy camp). Or maybe, because I often watch one of these movies with the kids while I am endlessly folding laundry, I am feeling her independent pain. Certainly in the real world, I respect and admire good, hard working single parents (and even more so these days while Paul is in residency). It's just another sad reality played out in cartoon color.

Perhaps this is why I have recently enjoyed Tangled so much, since the happy ending actually involves TWO parents who love and long for her to be reunited with them.

Then again, nothing in the Disney realm, even though magical and often tear jerking, is very realistic. I love Mary Poppins (or as Aimee calls her, "Mary Gobblin"), but why the need for a nanny while mom is already at home? I mean, couldn't the kids' mom at least give them their medicine before bed, take them to the park with chalk, tell them a story, or help them clean up their own nursery instead of constantly running out to meetings? (Though laughing so hard you soar to the roof...that is quite a feat.)

I know, I know. I have my spiritual glasses on. I just have to wonder why in all of these feel good, children's movies, there has to be such dismemberment of the family and so many frightening foes and scenarios (sleeping death by the bite of an apple from a warty nosed witch).

I especially have to feel badly for myself in the past, who once also believed that when my prince arrived, it would happen easily, quickly, and with a glimmering carriage. Besides, Belle is only 16 when she enters the enchanted castle, Cinderella only had to fit into a glass slipper after one night of dancing and looking pretty, and Rapunzel was even able to convert a wanted criminal in a mere day to a rare gem of a guy.

With all of this said, I am already into the Once Upon A Time series shown on Sunday nights, which is (I believe) written by the directors of LOST. It's an interesting and intriguing concept to watch one's fairy tale characters be "stuck" in a horrible reality (or world) where they are robbed from all of their happiness (their memories of who they are/were in better days). The literate side of me loves such a story.

The mom side of me, who can still continue to enjoy a good story despite it's issues, is pro-family and purposefully pro-active. I have no idea how our kids will turn out, how many castles (homes) we will live in before they fly the nest, the villains who will pop up in their lives and cause them/us pain, or who they will all grow to marry. I just pray that it is a tale only God can tell in His time and in His best fashion...even while they have such flawed parents.

Then I will raise my hands, praise Him, and say AMEN.

In Light of Costumes and Candy

2011-11-04T12:18:00.000-07:00

I think that every year gets better with kids, and even more so as they grow in numbers.

This year was by far my favorite Halloween yet, not just because they all were anxiously thrilled with wearing their desired costumes, but because they were together in more ways than one.

We read this book together before going out and had been talking all week about the day and how it means different things for different people.

We also had been praying for "the scary house" a few blocks up that resembled from the outside how dark a heart can truly be when visible for others to see. Any time we drove by it Aimee would repeat what I said the first time I saw it, "Mommy, we really need to pray for them."

Of course, candy is sweet too. After coming home from trick or treating, they dumped all of their stashes in a pile and had at it. Luke was so excited he couldn't quite get his words out as you can see here:

Dates With Daddy

2011-10-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, and after being on-call, Paul spent the better half of the day going on two separate dates with both of his daughters. Although the dates were very different, the girls didn't compare them or complain. They were both excited for their turn and truly were happy for the other when they were the one left behind.

Aimee Kate ready for her date:

Aimee Kate picked out everything from the bag to the side ponytail for her time out with her daddy. They first went to Lowes (for needed home items) and then to Menchies for ice cream. She specifically wanted to put a piece of gum in her purse for the trip. She came home looking even cuter then when she left.

Ellie ready for her date:

Since it was Ellie's first SEC football game, Paul stopped on his way home from work and picked her up some beads, face stickers, and a stocking hat to help complete her outfit for their date. She was so excited to be going to "the Auburn game" (the girl is a Tigers fan at heart). Paul was pumped to be taking our first child to a game with him (and to a university that helps pay the bills:) He texted me during the game to tell me how much fun they were having! Evidently, they also kept moving to a new seat (to Ellie's liking) every few minutes.

She quickly learned to put on her game face once she arrived at the stadium.

Here was Ellie's reaction to the team coming onto the field:

She even shared her cotton candy left-overs with all us after she came home.

Kitchen Clips

2011-10-24T19:29:00.000-07:00

I realized lately that I literally sweep the kitchen floor four times a day--once after each meal and an additional time for the kids' after school snack gathering. I also mop it at least once. For such a small space, the kitchen is really a well-used room.

I left the camera on our kitchen island over the past week (by chance) and caught these pictures of the kids at their various meals and activities. Think of these shots like kitchen chip clips, just kid clips, that hold fresh and timeless moments that I already look at with fondness:

Luke one night after a pizza dinner that ended with chocolate. As you can see, even when he was "done" he was still enjoying every bite:

(It was definitely a bath night for Luke.)

Here are the girls enjoying their two-hour afternoon play-doh craft. Notice how skillful they were at the beginning and how mushy things turned out in the end. They used on owl book as a reference for their owl creations.

(Ellie's on the left, Aimee's on the right. Seriously, what happened to Aimee's owl? I think I let her work on it too long and she started hugging it at the end.)

On Sunday morning, Ellie usually asks for the Toys R Us ad, while I sort through the other ads and make my coupon pile. I found it adorable that after she left her seat, Luke sat down and took her place.

This morning as I was making Ellie's school lunch and the kids were awaiting their Toaster Strudels (before 7:00 a.m.), I looked over at the kids watching cartoons, and all in their footy pajamas, and felt nothing, but love.

For all of the work this kitchen takes, I am sure these pictures in the future will cause me to sweep away some tears.

Slowly Traveling In A Lost Playground

2011-10-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

I now know what everyone was really trying to warn me of every time I was told to "take it easy" this pregnancy. Perhaps I was caught up in the second trimester energy to realize that the irregular twinges of pain I was having in my back were actually my second warning to slow down. Until a week ago, I put on my wonder-mom belt, though bulging, from the minute my feet hit the floor and "took one for the team" daily, gladly being productive around the house and with hearts, adding more to our calendar and my load.

And then, and like THAT, a moment of merely standing in the kitchen led to my immobility and stop as pain shot up my spine like a rip-roaring thunder bolt. Wonder-mom instantaneously flew out of house and has yet to be seen.

I've never been a fan of not being productive and with three kids, have never been forced, except for my c-sections, to slow down in any way consistently over time. Now, I have been reduced to a hobbler. Paul has diagnosed me with sciatica and it appears I will be living with its debilitating pressure for the remainder of this pregnancy. I am now lost to accomplish my old ways well. Every step that I take, every thing that I can no longer lift, has only highlighted how rapid of a speed I am used to living life.

Thankfully, God is provident. Just three days before my back started to literally spaz out on me, I felt compelled one afternoon to put Luke in his toddler bed for his nap. By the time I was limping around a few days later, he was putting his own self to bed for his night's sleep. Thus, I don't have to pick him up and out of his crib in the morning. He's also seemed to understand (though with many tears) that mom can no longer carry him down the stairs or out of the car. At least he seems to enjoy holding my hand and being called my "big boy."

I also started training Aimee a few weeks ago to help me pick up things around the house. This sounds simple, but having an older sister around until this school year to basically "do it for her" (and who is amazingly proficient at it) encouraged her to have lazy bones. Another soveriengty of God now is asking her for constant help and being SO glad that she is quick to respond and run to my aid saying, "Okay Mommy!" Seriously, the Lord knows I need her positive spirit to help me during this time.

Even Ellie has surprised me in my new state. This morning, having passed out cold on the couch at 7:30 a.m. next to Luke and Aimee (who were up before 6:00) I heard her rustling in the kitchen. As I slowly stood up and made my way to her, I found her beginning to eat breakfast, having prepared a napkin plate for herself of a doughnut and even a cut up banana (she used a kid knife!). "I was trying to be sneaky and get it myself," she told me, having seen me in my unusual state in the living room. Yet another God play.

Then there was tonight. Paul was working on a Saturday and my back was already "done" for the day by 3:00 p.m. (and dinner, bath for all the kids, etc. still awaited me solo). I had hoped to take the kids to the park at some point during the day, but the simple house activities I completed sent my back into an early day hysteria. I apologized to the kids about NOT being able to take them out and resolved myself to a full day in at home.

Logically, this is where the story ends. Here is where I should add that next, we ate dinner, the kids were put to bed, the end. No. Not exactly at all.

I looked at the clock while eating dinner with them and had a sudden change of heart about going out. Things were already picked up around the house and as well behaved (and understanding) that the kids had been all day, I felt I owed it to them and could pull off the event without much pain. So I broke the good news, they hurridly ate their vegetables, and we were soon at the park.

And then, and like THAT, we were at the playground and my heart was receiving a shock straight to my heart that I haven't felt in nearly ten years.

As my kids approached the park at a full sprint, a saw a young Muslim woman and her family (with a little girl, around 18 months) who were directly in front of us. Luke actually ran right toward them, which then led to me hearing fluently, a language familiar that compelled me to speak to them...in Arabic. Suddenly, I found myself in a time warp and with a very surprised and pleased audience.

I spent the remainder of our play time with this woman (mainly) and her family. We spoke in both of our languages, and became acquainted quickly. I couldn't believe how yesteryear, and before kids when I was overseas, came back to me like an old friend. In her voice and face I could even see THEN. When she asked me how old I was (as we were talking about my 4th pregnancy) I almost answered "22" in Arabic from memory of how I used to respond to the question.

She even asked me, based on my time overseas, what I felt when I saw someone like her in a head scarf. I responded by telling her, " I just want to cry." I then thought and told her of the friends I'd made and loved that I figured I would never see again...and all while she is following me around the park...me, the one with the bad back who should be at home.

We parted ways only for a minute while I redirected my monkey boy who was scaling an all-too-big for him climbing structure. She then re-approached me, wanting to make sure she said good-bye before they left. I then said, "God bless you," in Arabic which led into a 5 minute spiritual conversation--and one that I have had (and heard) many times before. It was a long talk for such a short time, and one where there was even time for another question from her ("So why all of focus on Jesus?") and a response from me. We ended with our differences, but I told her that I loved her, and she did the same.

Needless to say, when I went home, I took a minute to weep. I considered all of the fuss over my back, all of the annoyance it has brought me, but how it physically slowed me down to getting to the park HOURS after I would have planned. Thank God.

There are other details that I am leaving out, but I am at least remembering tonight what it means, what it really looks like, to be lost. From what I once loved doing to what I can't do now, I have to know without doubt that God is sovereign and over ALL.

Preparing the Nest

2011-10-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

Late last night I couldn't sleep. At a time when I should have been relishing in every consecutive minute of sole rest, I was wide awake telling Paul, "I have so much to do before the baby is born and I am out of commission for a while."

Having another baby and returning to the sleep deprived world isn't what concerns me. It's the knowledge of the c-section recovery in my kid dependent, always something to do, no-slow day, which will soon force my family to chug on without me as the momma conductor for a while. I guess you could say my deliveries put me in the caboose of life for a while, and I struggle not being able to pick up my little travelers (the kids) and carry on, albeit tired, as normal.

Thus, let the "nesting" commence. Paul isn't a fan of the named concept and has joked that he can gather the twigs and straw for me (what a guy!). However, I do feel compelled to create a nurturing environment for my family and make our home even more warm for the precious addition we are all anticipating and pray will arrive well on January 31, 2012.

Daily I have a list of to-dos and projects in my head that seem to swell right along with my growing belly. Somehow though, things always seem to come together and right before I am at the hospital holding the baby that makes all of the preparation so worth it.

Soon our forth upstairs bedroom, currently the playroom, will dissolve into our new son's room. This means, Luke is also being upgraded to a big-boy bedroom and is making his crib exit. Today was DAY 3 for Luke trying out his training toddler bed at nap time. He amazed me on DAY 1 with only getting out of bed twice and falling asleep after only 20 minutes. DAY 2 and 3 he even brought me his pillow from his crib, excitedly jumped into bed, never attempted an escape, and quietly went right to sleep and for his normal 2-hour nap range.

NESTING CHORE ONE: CHECK!

Next on the list, and before starting on the boys' rooms, was doing a little something nice for the girls.

Lately, their hair bows have been driving me crazy in their various boxes and drawers. They were becoming hard to chase down in an early morning school rush or moment of just wanting that "one" bow to match that "one" outfit. So, in using a little ribbon and a few flower bracelets to match their room decor, the problem was solved.

NESTING CHORE 2: Check!

Lastly, and for this week, I wanted to make the kids' dining table in the kitchen a bit more special. In the various yards of fabrics I bought for my other projects, I set aside some for a special table cloth and added some ribbon detail to the edges. I even added a little ribbon to a hand towel I already had. I also lucked out and found a cute lamp for their table, already discounted, and for only $7 with a coupon. So, 24-hours after coming up with the idea, the enhanced area was complete.

NESTING CHORE 3: Check!

There is much more to accomplish yet, but for now, I will call it a night. More gathering to come later.

A Needed Time-Out

2011-10-12T18:33:00.000-07:00

Before we left for Atlanta for a brief vacation last week, I put some thought into how long it's been since we've had a break together as a family. I came up with Christmas...and that being last year, which proceeded our exhausting home listing, all of those showings, the loss of our child, an up-side-down move, and landing in a new state where our feet hit the floor running. We were in dire need of a time-out. Thankfully this pause came for us now.

Because we don't have the luxury or privilege of living near family, visiting family always winds up being the best vacation for all of us. This time Atlanta invited us home again.

Here are some of the best shots of our time while there, spent at the game ranch, the aquarium, and around the von Herrmann home.

(It was a gorgeous day at the game ranch near Stone Mountain. As usual, we were greeted by many tame animals, happy for a snack. Sharyn actually worked at the original site years ago. We enjoy this unique place and plan on frequenting it as long as the kids enjoy it.)

(Even this bear was sweet to us.)

(We hadn't been back to the Atlanta Aquarium since Ellie was one. Although the exhibits there had been improved, seeing our growing family enjoying the wonder of God's creations made the day for me.)

(Ellie wasn't so sure about the diver...even through the glass.)

(The 3D show was great! While we watched, we were sprinkled with water and zapped under our seats. Luke was so entertained he never took his glasses off.)

(Paul and Ellie loved going through all of the underwater-looking tunnels under the exhibits.)

(I may feel like a whale in a few months, but hey, I am smaller than this fish.)

(The kids love their Papa Lew!)

(Nothing says fun than a standoff with a fish.)

(We pretended this fish was Nemo. Luke kept yelling out his name to confirm he was the real deal.)

(Back at the house, Mommee von Herrmann gave Luke a professional hair cut.)

(He never complained.)

(All of the kids loved spending quality time with family.)

(They were still smiling on the way home.)

Our Card: An Even Six

2011-10-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

When Paul gave me this Mother's Day card in May of 2009 I thought he had lost it. At the time I was barely pregnant with #3 and #4 had yet to be desired in our hearts. Ellie and Aimee tilted the gender of our home in the female court. Even our cat was a girl. I had no reason to own a single toy truck. The pitter-patter of kid feet didn't bring me to run and scoop up a little guy that I knew of as my "buddy." My world was mostly pink, though happily so. Considering that the coming baby would be a boy seemed foreign, though anything, but blue. I did so hope that someday I would have the priviledge of calling one of my children SON.

Paul's card to me that Sunday, and his added markings on the front cover of #3 and #4, also couldn't mistake his desires. However, I knew that the chances of us having not one, but two more children and them both be boys, were rare.

Then that December, as time and God would have it, #3 became Luke, my buddy, our son. My world was suddenly filled with trains, planes, and automobiles and Buzz Lightyear went with us everywhere, "To infinity and beyond!" Suddenly, the daydream of boys in bunk beds began to be desired in the footprints of our family, and especially, as #4 was on the way.

Then today, and in the most unbelievable fashion, Paul and I learned that #4 is yet another BOY!

In the moment of finding out the news, Paul was struck with ironic humor as he turned to me and said, "It's just like the card I gave you!"

Initially, I had forgotten about the card. When it was given to me two years ago, it was just another card amongst many. However, today in our joyous and almost disbelieving news, I remembered the card. When we got home from my appointment I found it permanently fixed in Luke's baby book...and now in our history books.

There is no mistaking the blessing that we feel at this time in seeing our family rounded out and even as six members. The desires of our hearts have fallen short to the realities that God is giving us and challenging us with every day. As I've recently said, God has dreamed bigger for me that I could have ever imagined.

Here was Ellie's reaction to the news today after school:

Clear Cut

2011-10-03T20:27:00.000-07:00

Our trees finally got a trim this week. What a difference!

BEFORE

AFTER

A Toddler's Take, by Aimee Kate

2011-09-26T16:12:00.000-07:00

Shortly after moving to Kentucky, I opened our photo booth program on our MAC and quickly realized Aimee Kate had hijacked it. Rows of photos of herself lined the bottom of the picture screen. Frankly, I was first amazed at her self-taught computer program finding skills. Secondly, I was taken aback by the type of pictures that she took of herself. Truthfully, I had never captured her in such a mature light before. Looking at her in the pictures, and in particular, this one, I was left amazed at how my little girl is obviously 1) adorable 2) thinks she is adorable and 3) is really as happy as she looks.

Since I've discovered her photos, I have caught her a few times trying to sneak in a few more here and there when she was playing an educational computer game. Thus, I post the following picture because it is really JUST THAT FUNNY and true to life. On this particular day, I was VERY PREGGO SICK in my first trimester, it was the afternoon, and I was desperate for a nap (Luke was sleeping and Ellie was at school). I had Aimee play a game on my bed next to me and told her that I needed to rest. I guess she heard me say that I needed a picture. Thus, the following:

I must say that behind her 3 year-old lens is a very interesting perspective. Here are some of my other recent favorites, taken from her at other random moments here at home:

About Time

2011-09-23T05:46:00.000-07:00

I think we can all relate. There is at least that one day a year, in that one month, where a memory is sparked, a loss is remembered and felt, and pause from the everyday norm overcomes the day. In my 32 years, and since 2002, I have had one day a year that I anticipate with great emotion like non other (November 21/ Bonnie Witherall's homegoing day). Some years the day creeps up on me, whereas others I seem to cope better by filling the day with my own quiet memories and joyful hope. Still, at other times I remain solemn for the entire day. Time doesn't seem to make things better regardless, though God reveals more to me in specific ways about His sovereignty as every year November nods.

Recently, November has also added another day that I can best describe as dreading. This past March, Paul and I learned that we were pregnant with a baby--and one that came in the middle of trying to sell our Florida home and prepare to move to Kentucky. As I have done each time in learning of our children, I looked up the due date of the baby. Suddenly, a day that formally was just any other day was ignited in my brain and starred on the calendar like mini-fireworks: NOVEMBER 15, 2011.

And then, and only a few short weeks later, our baby went back to its Creator. Two months later, I learned that we were again pregnant, and a new due date was revealed. However, the original baby #4's date has remained heavy on my heart, and even as our new little one grows and bounds within me.

Last night, I began to realize that the sweet fall air was once again taking me toward November, but this time, toward two days of pause. Since our loss is more recent, I especially began to consider what I would do on the 15th and how I would cope with the day. Then, I stumbled across an old entry from my blog from last year, and in November. It is tagged under "salvation" and entitled, "Ellie's New Birthday":

"Of course, we explained to her that He would forever take away her sins, but her prayer was plenty faith-filled. Paul and I then sat back and watched our first born delight in her new birth, and the one she had come to on her own the night before, and on her new birthday: November 15, 2010."

As I was reading this, Paul walked by and found me on the couch sobbing.

"Sweetheart, are you alright," he asked me as I had buried my hands in my face.

I then explained to him how November 15th had been looming sadness in my heart, but how God, through the reminder of Ellie's biblical birthday, had brought joy swiftly back. I honestly couldn't stop crying even after he walked away and our conversation ended. I kept thinking, "ONLY GOD."

The Creator of all things, the one who holds all time and how long we are to reside here on earth, has circularly marked this day forever in my person in a stunning way. Though our baby is gone, our first-born has new life to remind us of on the SAME day and every year. To speak of coincidence would cheapen a day meant for celebration--of one on a secure and promising path and another already home.

The Tot Tour

2011-09-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

Due to popular interest, here are a few pictures of the inside of our house here in Kentucky. I am proud to say that despite it taking nearly TWO MONTHS to unpack all of our boxes and set up the rooms, we are finally settling into that "home" feeling.

I had a tour guide while taking these (as you will note) so I will start with her. You get a treat if you can tell me how many times you spot her in these pictures:

(Aimee Kate, 3 1/2)

FROM THE FRONT DOOR

The shoe box is a great space saver/sanity organizer. You wouldn't believe the amount of shoes the kids put in there.

These hangers become crowded in a hurry from jackets to backpacks.

You can't read it here, but above the front door reads from Joshua 24:15, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

DINING ROOM

With our growing family, our new table is totally appropriate for every day!

This was one of the three rooms we painted when we moved in...it went from a bright red to a teal-like blue and sand color. Our piano has also been fixed from the water damage that happened in the moving truck.

PAUL'S OFFICE

Otherwise normally known as a Southern front room/sitting room, this room is very multi-purpose for us. It's mainly Paul's office, but also will be used as a guest room and daily stores more toys for downstairs in hidden baskets.)

LIVING ROOM

(Guess that Disney movie...and the one watching it:)

These doors lead to an outdoor deck...great for entertaining.

HALF BATH

I had to add at least one picture of this bathroom because it cracks me up...a pedestal stink with kid stairs. Reality for us!

KITCHEN

This space was completely remodeled before we moved in. I love it! I am constantly cooking and baking in here.

Of course, it was Paul's idea to add the t.v., though I have to admit, it was a great idea!

This is one of my favorite places for the kids in the house. We eat casual meals here and see all kinds of wildlife, including wild bunnies. All we have to do is add one more name and chair here and we are set. You can see our new windows in this picture too.

LAUNDRY ROOM / BACK PANTRY (the door straight ahead)

(This room is unusually huge and is off of the kitchen. It connects to the garage to the left and the backyard to the right. For now, it also hosts some great kid paintings:)

I love this pantry...and this girl!

I should also add that this is Piper's room (cat) at night.

UPSTAIRS

Ah yes, the baby gate on the stairs. Though Luke has now mastered these steps, I like keeping the kids on one level at a time. It's also become a good time out spot:) We re-carpeted before we moved in and found these half wood and carpet stairs (the way it originally was) to be a point of home character.

I left enough room on the right wall for baby #4's frame to join the other kids.

KID'S BATHROOM

MASTER BEDROOM

We also painted this room. Still looking for the right curtains.

GIRLS' ROOM

With the size of the girl's furniture, and the size of this room, this space was a puzzle to put together. However, they would never think to not room with each other and love it! The wall was a dark gray to start, so we lighted it up to compliment their girly accents.

They have the other walk-on closet in the house, which is perfect for them...one side for each girl. Due to their small bathroom, we also have an area to hang all of the kids' hooded bath towels in there.

LUKE'S ROOM

This room was already blue, which worked well! However, it will be changing in style and sleeping...I need the crib again!

I'm going to soon train him to stay in the transitional toddler bed. It's there to prepare him!

Extra note: When we moved in, three of the four upstairs rooms had NO fan or light! It was DARK and hot to say the least. It's so much more comfortable now!)

PLAYROOM / CLASSROOM/ FUTURE BABY'S ROOM

(This room is all about transition. Even I have NO idea how it will wind up.)

(Wait, that's not Aimee! Ha.)

We hope you've enjoyed your brief visit. It's hard to believe that this is the fifth house we have lived in during our eight years of marriage!

33 Is A Big Year

2011-09-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

We LOVE birthdays in our house. Despite assuring me that I didn't have to make a big deal of it, Paul's 33rd (August 31) was no exception. I think of his birthday as I do the kids'--a time to celebrate and give thanks to God for another year of life.

(Paul's Strawberry Lemonade Ice Cream Cake with Oreo crust that I made for him.)

While the kids and I counted down the days on the calendar and prepared for his day, we also talked with each other about how Jesus was 33 when he died. Ellie was particularly struck by such a reality. She sees her Daddy as a young and strong man that has many years left. To her, 33 isn't "that old."

Yet, Jesus' life work was accomplished at 33. From his age to our age his death brought sacrificial new life for all and to the believing world. I can't imagine what Mary suffered watching her grown son on the cross, and one (at that point) who in sight resembled a shell of himself, having been marred, humiliated, and reduced in his physical splendor. As I am also soon to be 33, this true story of God's son brings me hope as another year ages on.

It certainly gives us a reason to celebrate.

(The stairwell decorated with colorings from the kids and the dining room set up for Paul's party).

(His "Paul Frank" themed party was appropriate since his name is Paul FrankLIN. The monkey's glasses also reminded me of his new radiology glasses at work. Since I couldn't find my wrapping paper/tissue box in the garage (still in our moving pile), I used the comics as his gift bag filler. I am now thinking about using the comics as tissue paper in the future!)

Of course the kids were more into it than he could ever be. They even recorded their own individual "Happy Birthday" songs on our fun kid piano for him to enjoy. Paul and I also had a good laugh about him receiving his first Kentucky shirt (he has season tickets to games here). It was a great night!

Car Car!

2011-09-05T12:29:00.000-07:00

I was impressed with Luke's car racing skills the other night after dinner (as seen here) and was glad we grabbed this video. All of our kids have said "car car" before they've said "car" (no idea why), but Luke is so far the most exuberant in saying the double word.

At the end, he even let's me have a turn and says "thank-you Momma" confident I will return the car to its rightful owner.

I Pray The Lord My Babies To Keep

2011-08-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to see just how quickly babies grow up. Being pregnant with our last child, I am savoring the moments that cannot be bottled and reopened in the same way down the road. I am also cherishing what makes having numerous little ones back to back so much fun.

Pajamas are one such thing.

Despite how individual my kids are, they love to be together and especially right before bed. Perhaps stalling, they join up together bounding on beds and running up and down the hall, while we file them in no particular order back and forth to the bathroom to pain them with clean bodies, brushed hair, and good oral hygiene. It's not until they are in their own themed pajamas however that the hugs, folded hands for prayer, and quieted voices have me staring into their tired faces. Sometimes I still find myself wondering how they happened to appear under our roof like one, two, three.

As I was considering each of them the other night, and even more so in their newly bought Disney favorite pajamas, I told Ellie (laughing) that I never envisioned having Belle, Minnie Mouse, or Lightning McQueen for kids, but regardless I was glad.

To me, pictures like these make every mom effort worth it. Despite how L-O-N-G the day might often be with them, when the nightlights come on, I know it is my privilege to have another day with each of them tomorrow...even as their early morning breakfast bells ring.

Animal Kid-dom

2011-08-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

The kids and I so enjoyed a recent weekend trip to Indiana to visit my parents, their great Grandmother, and the zoo. Dressed in animal shirts, I warned them that if they acted like animals, that the zoo just might keep them. However, they were dolls and we all had a great time. Aimee especially liked to see all of the "giraffe-sesses."

However, animal masks from the gift shop (and Grandma) did make me wonder later on if I had brought home the right kids.

Buddy BOY

2011-08-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

I love my son. I don't love his skinned knees or recently busted front lip (from a brief meeting with the outside pavement after a too-fast-for-my-feet run). I also have LOVED his long, blond curls. However, as heavy as he is to carry these days, I realize that he isn't getting any younger. He is after all a little boy in the making.

Today his hair reached the point of no baby return. Despite my attempts at hair spray and water dousing, his sweaty locks looked like they needed hair ties and bows--a definite NO NO. So, after his bath tonight I asked Paul to give him his second and free (and more memorable) hair cut. Here was the progression:

Here is Paul beginning the cut (he was the elected barber in his frat house in college, so in a way he has been waiting for this). Luke didn't like having zero access to his hands at the beginning. Thankfully, cartoons distracted him for a while...

...until finally his hands had to be set free.

Then, the towel and towel clip were dismembered completely (by him) and as his curls fell off in chunks. Luke showed me his fallen hair yawning, succumbing to the lighter side of his "do." Finally our boy was all done.

As the hair fell, another milestone in the life of our son started.

Balancing Fact

2011-08-16T04:49:00.000-07:00

Aimee is a natural gymnast. Alright, so that is a bit extreme, but certainly she has the potential of being great. I was even more convinced of my suspicions yesterday when I watched her through glass windows at the Little Gym. In one instance (when I turned back from keeping up with Luke to watching her) I saw her balancing on the beam as though she had done it her entire life.

I'm not sure how serious she (or we) will get about such classes as she grows, but to yesterday, she was all smiles.

Puppy Pick-Up

2011-08-16T04:40:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post this picture before too much time passed since Ellie's first day of school. I was anxious to retrieve her on that first afternoon, but certainly didn't expect to have a pretty puppy returned to me in this manner.

(Ellie's class is puppy themed. Ellie's principal actually helped Ellie in the car that first afternoon and had a good laugh when Aimee yelled out, "Ellie, what happened to you?")

School Daze

2011-08-11T07:03:00.000-07:00

Since my friend Kat was visiting for a night with her four boys, and was gracious enough to watch Aimee and Luke for us, Paul and I had the luxury of being able to escort Ellie to her classroom today for her first day of school.

This morning was fast and furious, with us needing to leave the house no later than 7:15 a.m., though to my surprise Ellie was "up and at 'em" by the time I reached her dark room and her empty bed.

Then, as moments happen, this one came and went. I barely had enough time to take "it all in" and barely had enough seconds to snap a few posed pictures of her ready for her big day. (Note: Our car Piper made sure she made the photo shoot from the door window).

On our short drive in the car the Monkeys song came on that sings, "Wake up sleepy Jeanne," which was fitting since Ellie's middle name is Jeanne (and she did still have the sleepy look in her eyes despite her excitement).

Soon, our car was parked and her Daddy was doing what I remember my Daddy doing on the first day--holding her hand and helping her take her first steps toward independence. She really quieted down at this point, only having asked us to help put her heavy backpack on.

We then let her lead the way as we entered the school doors. Confidently she headed the right way and toward her classroom, stopping only briefly to check inside to make sure her teacher approved of her going in.

Then, her backpack was hung (or squished into her cubby), her seat was found, and instinctively she picked up her crayons in front of her and began to color.

"It looks like she knows what she is doing," Mrs. Callahan (her teacher) said as we hugged Ellie good-bye, already comfortable in her new environment. Paul and I then held hands back down the hallway as two people, passing other Kindergarteners and parents who looked as dazed and out of place as we did.

"Are you okay," Paul asked me as we headed back outside, only increasing the waterworks I knew were bound to come.

It is her first day of school after all.

(Pictures of Mrs. Callahan and her classroom from orientation):

What Was That?

2011-08-07T11:40:00.000-07:00

A few weekends ago, and ironically when both of our girls were having a heated debate, Paul and I heard a LOUD crash. Now, things that can cause such a ruckus in a home filled with young children is generally minor, and one always hopes for a drink spill or a minor glass frame broken, all which can easily and inexpensively be replaced.

Though on this occasion the sound was SO LOUD that it A) made us cringe in the thought of the damage or B) made us hope it actually WASN'T the kids so we could at least blame our clean up efforts on something else. Fortunately for us, it was the latter. Unfortunately, the crash lived up to its sound and Paul spent the better half of one of his precious weekend days at home with us fixing, rearranging, and cleaning up his collapsed closet. I mean really, the collapse deserved a commercial segment on the TLC show Hoarding: Buried Alive (though moments before the closet was an organizer's dream).

Having just lived through one loud boom in the past few weeks, I didn't anticipate ANOTHER one any time soon. Still, a few nights ago while I was downstairs alone, and as the kids slept upstairs and Paul was out at the hardware store, it happened again. This sound, much like a tree crashing on our roof followed by the shot of a gun, scared me silly. With my heart drumming strongly, I bit my lip and headed back up to our closet...this time wondering if it was MY side of the closet that had collapsed.

When I got there, I rounded the corner scared, but to no worry. All was well. I then opened every door and closet and searched upstairs for the damage. (I honestly couldn't believe the kids were still sleeping. Hadn't they heard that?) Again, nothing. I even went out to the garage thinking maybe something there had been unstable and had fallen, but again, everything was creepily the way it should be.

Finally, Paul arrived home and scoured the house as I had. We were miffed. Then, and from the laundry room, and where our new mini fridge sat, he yelled, "I found it!"

Fortunately again, when we found the culprit, a soda can, the damage was minimal and we were only out so many cents. We guessed the kids had turned up the internal freezer in the fridge and the can touching the frozen area underneath couldn't take "the pressure" any more. So for all the fright it brought me, the loud groupings of sounds, which caused a frozen explosion and bustle of cans, amazingly only came from this:

Quite impressive.

Cherished Visits

2011-08-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

Summers usually bring family to our door, which we always look forward to. My parents were a great help to us early this week. They watched the kids so I could grocery shop solo. They repaired and fixed up things around the house. They even watched the kids for me ON THEIR ANNIVERSARY while I had a 5 HOUR first OB appointment.

I often consider how fortunate I am to have families on both sides that are wonderfully helpful and encouraging. I just have NO idea what it is like to actually live in a town with them and have close help, free sitters, or frequent family gatherings. I wish I did. I often hope that those of you that do don't take that privilege for granted.

Pictures like these then are what we cherish--one summer to the next, grandparents around their grandkids, wondering how the little ones got this big, and what has happened to the time.

July 2010

August 2011

Ellie's Garden

2011-08-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

She has a green thumb...maybe even two.

For years, Ellie has taken leftover seeds from her fruit, or picked out random weeds in the ground, and dug holes in the dirt and watered things that became known as "her garden." It was always a bit sad to me that until now her imagination had to grow things. Even when NOTHING would sprout up she was faithful to water a muddy piece of ground in hopes that someday something would sprout.

I was so excited that there was already a designated vegetable garden to the side of our new home. Even in the first few days of arriving in Kentucky, and to our new land, we planted various vegetables and fruits in the area now known as "Ellie's Garden." Aimee even got in on the growth and Paul let her add some flowers to the mix.

As you can see, she is still a stickler when it comes to watching over her vegetation and making sure things are growing well.

She picked her first cherry tomato (and ate it in a salad) this week. She was thrilled.

Today we will pick her first green bell pepper and may mix that in with some scrambled eggs. She is so proud to think that we all will be enjoying what she has worked so diligently to grow.

Baby Buggy

2011-07-25T05:12:00.000-07:00

My mom sent me a little plastic baby and one the size of the little one I am carrying currently (12 weeks). The kids have been playing with it for a week as well as asking me a ton of questions (Is it a boy or a girl? What are we going to name it? Can it come out and play?).

I was most impressed when I was cleaning up one night and found it like this:

This really put this baby's life in a new perspective for me. The creativity of children is so refreshing!

Our First Month

2011-07-19T13:26:00.000-07:00

Ah transition. How exciting and depressing. How adventurous and exhausting.

(Our car, the night before leaving Pensacola, at a park in Pace, FL, overlooking very familiar waters.)

It's been a month. In usual time, this would equate to a few weeks passing by quickly and then me flipping another page in my calendar, scratching my head, and wondering where the time had gone.

However, after having undergone many difficult steps in this same time--traveling with three kids, a cat, and a pulled U-Haul trailer attached to our car for 10 hours from door to door from houses, and all the while "secretly" pregnant and extremely nauseated, to then arrive to an empty house, paint three rooms in less than a week, and then watch the moving truck reunite us with our possessions, some of which were heavily damaged by water, to then spend weeks "trying" to set up life, and while nothing is yet "normal," church hopping, and as Paul starts his new job--yes, I can certainly call this one heck of a month.

(One of our painting projects--getting rid of the VERY red dining room. We went with the middle tan color under the baseboard.)

(Our water damaged piano, no thanks to our negligent movers.)

This is one of those times in life were I would like to fast forward a bit and peek in on myself in a few years, not only to know that we have settled here, but that I have again come to a point of familiarity with relationships, various activities, and am more spiritually calm. I feel a bit like Luke did standing in front of our doorway when our moving truck arrived--such a little being facing a giant moving monster. I also have had moments like the girls did on our moving day and have often wanted to pass out from too much to do.

Still, little moments have crept in that have made us forget altogether that we are newbies and strangers in a new place. Here are a few:

(Pony rides at the Kentucky Horse Park.)

(Our great new kid play area at our mall...and right next to Starbucks and the Apple Store.)

(A firework spectacular on our street until after 10:00...seriously, we love our new neighbors.)

(Kid cuts for the kids. A once in a lifetime experience (too expensive), but fun!)

(Luke got his hair trimmed for the first time and seemed to like it. Watching Elmo helped keep him still. He only wishes his car wasn't pink.)

Marriage Announcement

2011-07-12T04:33:00.000-07:00

On this day, July 12th, 2011, and my 8th anniversary with Paul, I would like to make an announcement.

No, we are not renewing our vows, though we work diligently to perfect them daily.

No, we aren't jetting away on a celebratory vacation (residency and the never-ending process of settling in a new home makes this impossible).

No, we have no distinct dinner plans. (This sounds sad, but without family in town and having not had time to try out any babysitters, we are home-stuck.) Though, as always I will concoct a homemade dessert that will make our day at least taste sweet.

Yes, Paul will get up before 6:00 and head to work.

Yes, I will wake up shortly after and with.....Luke, who enjoys mornings and wakes up demanding breakfast.

Yes, Paul and I will call/text each other throughout the day as always--checking-in on the boredom to the dramatic.

Yes, I will pace those final minutes before he drives up and is finally home, because that's what I do.

Yes, we will look at our wedding pictures together and I will read last year's summary of our lives together in my journal to him. It's simply tradition.

FINALLY, NO, and most certainly not, will I be putting on my wedding dress (even though it MAY still fit)...

...because for the last time...

...we would like to announce...

...that by NEXT year's anniversary...

...our family will be joined by ONE more.

How fitting that on this our 8th anniversary, if you divide the 8 years by the 2 of us, you get 4 (kids)!

YES, we are THRILLED (and I am happily nauseated...HA) !

Now on to documenting this new year together, and all of the growth ahead.

Early Morning At Home

2011-06-30T04:34:00.000-07:00

I just saw Paul out of the door for his first day of work, which is something I have done every time a "first day" has happened for him. This time however, a dress shirt and tie have overridden his former Dr. gear of pajama-like scrubs and flight suits. Back to the civilian world.

It's been a long road for us in our (almost) eight years of marriage. Certainly his first day of Radiology residency is nothing short of a "wow" moment for our entire family. Our plans have fallen to the wayside of time (such as his intended Surgery path) and what is ultimately best for us all. We've lived through medical school as a couple, moved several times with the military while having babies, and have had various positions in jobs that have kept us all busy while growing in numbers. We are an "all in" family and have always tried to be deeply rooted wherever our feet have landed (and there is a lot more patter these days).

Now I find myself sipping coffee in a new place and listening to an owl hoot outside. Nevermind, Luke just drowned out the owl upstairs saying, "Ma! Ma!" There is so much to share about the last few weeks, crazy and eye-rubbing in exhausting events. For now, here goes another day, now as the lone adult, to try and unpack more of these boxes in our smaller house on a beautiful Kentucky corner.

More to come soon!

To Never Fade

2011-06-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

Luke recently received his first official kid BUMP. Having both sides of our genes, he knows TWO speeds (running...and sleeping). When he takes off in the direction of anywhere, his feet are cartoon-like in their speedy dust trail. His right arm swings back and forth viciously, as though to help him gain speed. Often as he tears through the house, his mouth is wide open and his expression excited! He is on the run!

On his bump day, he fell right in front of me without bracing himself and immediately sprouted up a "goose egg." I hurt so badly for him as he kicked and screamed and refused a cold pack. The bump was ugly and those who saw him for days made a pained expression when looking at him. Fortunately, I know from experience that even the worst bump from the road runner will eventually go down and fade away. After two weeks time, the same has been true for my buddy's head.

I know all too well what it feels like to have an episode, one that impacts me in a strong way, and one that eventually fades away. Moving is that bump for me. A new town brings a fall away from the familiar. Then that town begins to set in and in ways noticeable to you and others. Time passes and your initial wound of newness fades to another familiar---and with impressionable friends. Then, and in that cycle in my life, the times comes once again to face a new bump and in a new place.

With days left before our newest move and trip, I have begun my good-byes to dear friends and familiar places. Pensacola has been more than good to us.

We had two babies here.

I will always have a sweet spot in my moving memory for this place, as our military journey also ends here and Navy helicopters will no longer fly over our next house. It was a sight to see Paul in his uniform or flight suit every morning and before work---a proud sight. I will miss our spontaneous surprise trips to his office to bring him lunch and all crowd around his small floor to spend precious time with our doctor.

I will miss the semi-cool winters and perfect Aprils of the Florida panhandle.

I will miss the home connectedness of church and the neighbors on our street that never were strangers. I will miss my Christian girlfriends, our common kid support, and our needed nights out.

As for the other, small details, I will miss grocery shopping at Publix with my kids in car carts, eating free cookies, being handed occasional free balloons, coloring pages, and all while a bag boy takes care of my groceries all the way to my car and smiles even as my kids melt down.

I will miss driving by water and seeing my kids play at the beach as the sun sets. I will miss the best kid consignment sale in town, the pizza place one minute from our door, and girl youth sleep-overs to keep me feeling young.

I will miss standing by our front window in the mornings with Ellie, Aimee Kate, and Luke (in our pajamas) waving to Paul as he heads to work. I WILL miss this house.

Part of the pain in moving is soothing oneself to the next place. I know more happy memories are ahead. I just hate leaving behind what is happy here.

Ellie knows we are moving to "Tucky" (as she calls it) and was excited until her preschool graduation last week. Then, the tears started to flow. She too felt the bump. She hugged her first best friend (besides Aimee) good-bye. Then, and every day since, she started to ask me "if this was the last time" for this or that. I didn't know if such mature realities would stick with her, but she is one aware kid.

In a way, I am trying to be strong so as to excite everyone for the newness of the next. Though, deep down, I feel a lot like this picture, and one I took during one of my most anxious days of our home being on the market. I took it so I could look at it later on, when our home sold, so as to see how God released us of our stressful situation and brought us new joy again. Now, I look at it and consider the sadness of this entire process. Moving is hard.

I remember the morning when I was a young teen when we moved away from North Carolina, and a town I still consider my childhood home. As we left our driveway and passed by my best friend's house, everything began to fade away, like rain hitting a water-colored picture. I was seeing my life through tears and it was bleeding nonsense. I didn't want to be forgotten, knowing I could never forget.

Yet, time has allowed me the ability to know that not all things change. My contented picture of life isn't contingent on where I am at any particular time in my life. God is my constant. All that is meant to last does. I know today that I have many town/homes on earth and one lasting home in heaven. I have to trust that every place has a purpose leading me to that ultimate, lasting move---and one that will NEVER fade.

Our Place In The Kentucky Blue Grass

2011-05-21T19:45:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a week now since Paul and I made our second road trip back to Kentucky to house hunt. Our first trip in early April, which was a week long, was seriously disheartening. Without an offer on our home here in Florida, we had to minimally look, and our options for all of the things we needed in a place to live weren't good options for our family.

Our recent trip was only two days long and certainly "go time". While in town we knew we HAD to find a home. Time was brief on our end to move together as a family (and I mean days) before Paul starts his Radiology residency. (*Thus, even more emphasis on how GOOD God is with the timing of our recent home sale.)

Much like the first trip, day one of house hunting was more overwhelming then positive, having closely looked at eight homes. Though with only one day left to look, we did resolve later that first night to put an offer on a home that was big enough, had a huge backyard, and was within walking distance of the school we have desired to get Ellie into since day one. From first appearances, it also seemed to not need a lot of work. After spending three years remodeling this home, and having a husband who CAN'T keep himself from taking up more projects when they are needed, we didn't want to live in a home that would require much of his time (since he won't need to have this stress while in his intensive studies). So, the night of day one, we were ready to make an offer.

However, when the morning of day two rolled around and we took a second look at this home, red flags were everywhere. The expensive things needed replacing (roof, HVAC, etc.). The fuzzy history of the home was revealed (it having been a rental for ten years, thus the good price for the square footage). When Paul was able to pull up the counter top in the kitchen and found water damage in the basement (an easy tap made a huge hole), the expression on his face said it all, "No, not this one." We had prayed for "peace" in the process and wanted to be wise, and the home was presenting itself as nothing close to a good feeling.

At that point, were were semi-panicked. While our Realtor called a repair man to come over to give us a better idea of the real shape of the house, we took off bewildered for a one hour lunch break and sat quietly over our meal. Yet, we quickly agreed that we only had one good option----to not return to the home and instead take a second look at another house we had been talking about just as much (if not more) the night prior. The only debate with this home was the size of the backyard, which didn't allow (corner, shallow lot) for a fence or for freedom for our kids to run free and in a safe way. (Every other home we looked at the day before had a decent yard.) However, we knew going into this move that we would have to make some sacrifices. After having seen this home, one of them was definitely NOT the inside of this house. We kept saying after viewing it that if we could pick it up and move it to wherever with a bigger yard it would be perfect. However, strangely enough, I even dreamed about it that first night. It made a strong impression on me and in it's updates and renovations it reminded me so much of the work we'd put into our own home.

On second look, we were sold. We felt peaceful and were mindful that this home would release the stress that could surround Paul in his residency. We also began to see that it was our best, last resort, and one that God directed us to. I know this because I almost didn't add this home to our list of looks at all (based on the yard). However, I knew it was located in the neighborhood I have loved since I started house hunting months ago, and felt purposed to see it. I believe that God equally lead us to the other home first (that we didn't choose) to then show us that He was in control and was guiding us to the ONE house that we should live in without reservation.

I really do love this house more every time that I think about it. Even with the small back yard, there is a park within a half mile walk that will be perfect for our runner legs and kid adventures. Even the colors on the walls are mostly to our taste. Luke's room is even already blue! I also have always wished for wooden beams to line a living room, which are so beautiful. The kitchen pantry is huge and a mom's dream! Even though we are downsizing per square foot, every other detail of the house is cozy and ready for our family to love. A month from now, we will soon call this place home. It reminds me of my traditional southern roots never lost in all of these moves.

In other news, I've met the precious owners/family of our home here and have seen our specific prayers answered over and over again in our sale. Wow, God is so amazing!

So, pretty soon, all purposed roads will lead us here and to this street. For now, we know we will live here for four years, though I have already wondered if the blue grass will make me want for a longer stay.

A Bruiser

2011-05-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

I have to laugh. When Paul picked up Luke from the church nursery this past Sunday a tired worker handed him over and told him that Luke was "a bruiser." Really? I know he is a boy, and is no push over, but a bruiser? Luke then proceeded to scream the entire car ride, throw himself on the kitchen floor when we got home, and until I realized that he was FAMISHED I began to wonder if the worker was right. However, after our little boy was fed and napped all was "normal" again--and for Luke that meant less of a loud complaint (still hungry:) and more of a sweet hug.

I get it Luke, I really do. Not that I have ever disliked our house, even as caring for it has meant a lot of beautification work, but selling it and now handing it over to its new owners has been brutal....and sweet.

BRUISER (noun / definition):
tough; heavy; rough

The Lord is so good and is NO bully. Psalm 34:4 sums up the past few months so perfectly:

"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears."

I'm sure that Luke has moments in the nursery when he wonders, staring toward the door or windows, when I am going to come and retrieve him, perhaps even save him from the place that doesn't have his bed (the only place he will nap) and his kitchen chair (the place where he knows he can sit and eat until he is well fed). I know the feeling. My prayers have been so desperate as of recent that I too have found myself staring out of our front window and wanting someone, anyone to come and rescue us from the stress and fear that having a for sale sign in your front yard can bring.

However, just when I was at my lowest moment God picked me up. Last Thursday I was pacing the house and unhappily so. It was the first of two weeks that Paul and I had discussed, and a time frame where we had to sell THEN or have to either go the renting route or me stay behind with the kids while Paul moved on without us. Both options were NOT good ones for us.

It's no mistake that the same day I was reading in Deuteronomy 9:6-7:

"Therefore understand that God is not giving you this good land to possess because of your righteousness, for you are a stiff-necked people. Remember!"

In that moment eating my lunch and reading of the Isrealities long, bruiser-like journey to a better place and day, God was setting me up.

Then, Ellie informed me that "Mr. Bob" was going to call (our Realtor). When he did a few hours later, and for a dinner-time home showing, all Ellie said to me in return was, "I told you Mommy. I told you he was going to call."

By the next morning, we had an offer coming in. On Saturday, we accepted the offer. On Sunday, Mother's Day meant we could all relax and let things fall as they may. Today, and Wednesday, I met the future buyer--an extremely friendly family man with young children. Even with some snags in these details, things are falling into place.

It's taken me days to get over the shock of not having to bear the brunt of more uncertainties. Yet, as I reflect on it all, I can hear God's word prompting me to "Remember!" as he told his people entering the Promised Land. There is a HUGE relief in good news, but I can't take any credit for it. GOD DID THIS FOR US--and we are so relieved.

(Mother's Day)

(Paul's last day of clinic at work. A special cake made for him by a staff member.)

Who Is Scared Of The Big, Bad Dentist?

2011-05-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

The answer is...

NOT Aimee Kate! If there ever was to be a model child for a first time visit she is the example.

First, she complains because she has to wait until Ellie's turn is over.

Then, she takes off without me to the exam room forgetting the doll I brought that I thought she would need for comfort (that Ellie took to her minutes later concerned for her).

Next, when they retrieve me for the Dr.'s consultation (Aimee actually has an extra tooth in her mouth) Aimee plops back in the chair, opens her mouth with a smile on her face (and they hadn't asked her to do that yet) and the dental hygienist tells me that her own daughter, a few years older, threw a fit in the same chair the week before. Not Aimee. "Seriously, she is doing so well," she tells me as I look at Aimee, who is so hilarious--this little person with no fear.

Then, there is Luke. Thank goodness our dentist's office has a toy room, a prize Pirate chest, and now even balloons to keep little ones occupied. Taking three kids to the dentist is a feat in itself. I have a feeling we will be spending a lot of time in such an office...

Of What Is Seen And Unseen

2011-04-25T08:48:00.000-07:00

Paul called me on his way to work this morning to tell me that he had been praying and had a "good feeling" about this week. I agreed. I had just considered the verse that had long been on our kitchen chalkboard (and only recently taken down like many other pictures on our walls) from 2 Cor. 4:16-18:

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

This verse seems so appropriate, so encouraging now. Its words struck me this morning like hope to my heart. It also seems fitting to things that we have seen in recent days and especially this week.

Ellie's glasses. What an ordeal. When she was being fitted for them in the office, Aimee Kate informed everyone around us, "Ellie looks so beautiful. Ellie is my best friend!" Aimee was right, but when Ellie got home and after a lesson on glasses maintenance from me, she wasn't thrilled about the notion she was going to need to wear them "all of the time." It pained me to watch her look at herself, see someone different, and someone she wasn't sure she wanted to be seen as. For that first hour, she didn't want to eat. She was simply sad. She sobbed and sobbed. After some encouragement from family and after realizing the world looked so much clearer with her glasses on (she kept saying "The ground is so deep!") she realized in truth that she was no different than before--just improved.

Similarly, we came home to one of our front door's glass panels being broken a few weeks ago. The door wasn't something we ever put much thought into, but with the glass broken, the door looked devastated. Paul spent one night breaking the outer glass, so that the remaining inner glass made the door "appear" as it was. However, it was only half complete. Last night, we installed the new and improved glass insert to our door. When it was in place, we were amazed at how much better the door looked, and even when we hadn't considered ever replacing it.

(OLD)

(NEW)

Lastly, last night we dyed Easter eggs with the kids. I used a white wax crayon to write on the white eggs and before the eggs were placed in their dye cups. The girls weren't so sure that I was actually writing anything at all, but when the eggs emerged from their cups they saw their names clearly written...it was magic!

Of all we can't see right now, I know that God sees clearly, and much like Ellie's glasses. I know He has our sharpest and best intricacies in view, and much like our new door. I also know he has our names on His heart, and not unlike our simple eggs for Easter.

Paul and I have a good feeling about this week. Perhaps we have most recently been dipped in the dye of stress and anxiety, but that is our temporary. No matter what, God's eternal plan for us is lasting. We have a hope--and we feel like this hope has our family name written all over it.

(This was Ellie's "cross project" for Good Friday. She insisted our family be in the middle of the cross and nothing be outside of the cross or not touching it. Such a mature illustration beyond her years!)

Maintain

2011-04-16T11:53:00.000-07:00

I've lost track now how many weeks I have woken up and begun the process of our usual morning routine alongside the unusual chore of making our home ready...for someone to view...and at any possible minute. Times are tiring and I feel like I am at the end of my wits. Paul gave me a pep talk at the beginning of this process that I keep reminding myself of, "You just have to maintain."

I stopped mowing our front yard once for a spontaneous home showing. People have come in the middle of dinner, the kids' bath time, around nap hours, and near the minute of someone throwing up with the stomach flu for a quick peak inside the house that we've loved, but now team up as a family to sell, sell, sell! I've now run full speed in every corner of the house and have a particular place for everything, so as to make it seem I am super human, our home is always at the perfect temperature, our home smells like cinnamon apple, kid crumbs and fingerprints don't exist, dishes are never in the sink, we don't make any laundry, we rarely sleep in our beds or use the bathrooms, vacuum lines abound, and we always have classical music playing. It's hilarious really, because our home only stays this way as long as we aren't in it.

Unfortunately, Paul and I are also now familiar with the list of things people don't like about our home and the disappointment that comes with each call from our Realtor. They didn't like your cabinets. They didn't like the house behind you. There was no room in your backyard for a boat. And so on. All things we can't control. As it turns out, control is something we have absolutely no say in right now. It's interesting too, because God is simplifying our wants in the process. "What can we live without?" is a question we are asking ourselves daily.

My prayer life has taken a radical turn in the "pray without ceasing" category. This is of course, a life-altering, soul penetrating positive. The difficulty is grasping tightly onto our "mustard seed" faith. It's easiest to have faith when things happen quickly, but as time is running out for us to sell in good time and we are running ragged, what we need to happen NOW begins to look impossible. We know it's not, but regardless, we tend to despair. We need to maintain...

Of all of the maintenance that we have one to this home, nothing compares to what God has done in us and is doing for us during this time--even in the things we can't see. We've witnessed more negatives around us recently that we would care to count, but we are PRAYING, PRAYING, PRAYING for answered prayers.

I've even heard the girls this week talking amongst themselves about WHY God hasn't decided to sell our house yet. They pray every night (and often on their knees) for this. Even they are beginning to see how God works...in His own way, and His own time.

Please stand with us in prayer...that we would sell our home now and that our faith would bloom completely and smoothly to our next home and planting in Lexington. All signs point to THERE for us and we look forward to getting there and soon!

Our Candy Land

2011-04-13T14:08:00.000-07:00

It's moments like the one above, with the girls' blowing out their 5th and 3rd candles on their Candy Land cake that I made, and with Aimee achieving the feat by scaling the table, that makes me certain that despite every stress thrown at us, that our kids have helped make the last few weeks taste a whole lot sweeter.

First, to my Aimee Kate...

Now that you are three, you have to know that aren't just any little girl. You are a one and only middle child, sure to be louder than everyone else, sure to be the most fun, and sure to scare your parents as you dart off toward freedom with little regard for your safety. At least your forehead is seeing less bruising these days. Now to work on those knees...

You are as sweet as your smile and as stubborn as your curls. You are determined to be the last one at the dinner table each night, not just because you are a casual eater, but because you want to eat your vegetables at the very...last...possible...second. However, you are the first one to breakfast each morning and when you arrive at our bedside you rarely fail to proclaim "Good morning!" but instead, "I want cereal." Oh Aimee, how you love your cereal.

You potty trained yourself this past year. Thank you!

One of your favorite lines right now is, "I don't like that." We are working on that, of course.

You never know a stranger, and an entire preschool has adopted you and knows you by name. Your best friend is Ellie and you know without doubt that you are the older sister to your "buddy boy."

You aren't one for coloring, not even when we are eating out, and you would prefer the swing, play-doh, bubbles, your tricycle, and puzzles over being crafty any day, much unlike your sister.

You pretend to talk to family members absent from you during the day so as to never miss them.

You are one proud momma to your "Bunny Friend" and if allowed, you would adopt and sleep with every possible stuffed critter in the house. Fortunately for our cat Piper, your bed is her favorite to nap on.

At the end of the day, you are a darling girl with a ball full of sassy energy. I can still hear you now at Disney World as Minney Mouse walks by without stopping to greet you and you talking loudly to her saying, "Where are you going Minney? Come back! I want to give you a hug!"

Your hugs, full speed ahead with no stopping, are the best Aimee. As I whisper in your ear each night, "I love you so much I could never say how much!"
_____________________________________________________________

Yes, it is sweet to have a minute to stop and reflect on the girls' recent birthdays and their party in Atlanta with family over a week ago.

Ellie is now the proud owner of her very own Jessie doll (Toy Story) and has already written "Ellie" on her foot so as to claim her. They are inseparable and I am convinced she thinks Jessie is the REAL character. Even Ellie thinks that like the movie Jessie talks and plays when she leaves the room. At least Ellie is again motivated to make her bed each morning before school as she makes sure Jessie is happy and comfortable there while she is away.

She also had her first school birthday party with her friends and proudly passed out birthday cookies, milk, and give-away star sun glasses to her classmates. I brought our play cake from home that lights up as many as "5" birthday candles that you can actually blow out and the kids loved that effect (I thought her preschool would appreciate the lack of a real flame at school:) Ellie of course HAD to wear a dress for the occasion and wore this purple one that she recently picked out at Target with some of her birthday money.

Paul also may have started a new birthday tradition with the girls as Ellie and Aimee both received their very own bouquet of flowers (and a balloon) from their Daddy on their birthdays--which they LOVED coming from him.

In other news, it was a tremendous help for Paul and me to have his parents care for our kids (in Atlanta) while we flew to Lexington, Kentucky and searched for our new home.

(Ellie having tea for the first time with Mommee.)

(Aunt Larua! Aunt Becky came to the party too.)

Much like the Candy Land cake, our days and weeks recently have been like the game's road, though often we have found ourselves stuck, seeing little in color and feeling as though we are headed backwards (from the chaos of home selling, the loss of a child, the stomach bug through the house, an E.R. trip for me due to a horrible cough, to the uncertainties of WHERE to live in Kentucky and especially as Ellie is starting Kindergarten, etc.).

(On our road trip and at one of our favorite stops...AUBURN!)

We know that there MUST be an end to "this," to all of the hard and seemingly bitter things that keep happening to us (even a shattered glass door that awaited us when we arrived home from our trip). Just as the kid's game ends happily and at a candy castle, in our times of family prayer, we all seem certain that Kentucky is going to be a sweet place for us. For sure, the prayers of our girls are PRECIOUS and accurate. Even today as the girls and I raced around the house with an impromptu home showing in "10 minutes" and then sat in the car in our cul-du-sac, Ellie asked to pray. I couldn't hear all that she was praying, but I heard her ask for God to sell our home, and then I heard her say "thank you" over and over for different things. Yes, even now, there is so much to be thankful for.

We are awaiting so many answered prayers that we BELIEVE will happen--the sale of our home, the certainty of WHICH home to move to (and the sacrifices involved there), and for remaining trust that God is going to care for us as we take a financial hit. Besides, HE HAS ALWAYS CARED FOR US and so well in every place, path, and step along the way. I cannot doubt that we are only around the corner from a happy end. Unlike a child that may not want to finish the game, I KNOW HE will complete this time here well for us, and HE will MOVE US FORWARD.

So, be on the lookout friends for that blog post. I know it's coming.

Little No More

2011-03-29T14:37:00.000-07:00

Today is Ellie's 5th birthday.

I remember holding newborn Ellie for the first time in the NICU after her traumatic birth pondering what she would be like when she was five. Mostly, I made an inward promise to her, connecting with her eyes for the first time. I told her in that simple minute that I wouldn't let time go by too fast. I would cherish every day. I would make the most of her life and invest in her--even when that meant doing things for her that were best and not always easy. During that first love connection, she had to be close to her monitors. I knew soon that she would be home and closely connected to us. I also knew that too soon she would start connecting away from us and into the world as independence grew away her infancy...and perhaps when she was five.

Five years old really does look good on our Ellie. At least, I've prayed it so. Every year I see more of who Ellie is and who she may become as a young lady. This year she started school, asked Jesus in her heart, has needed less discipline, and has taken positive charge as our oldest child. She is artistic and can draw wonderful pictures. She has a huge imagination and can make something ordinary into a story. Creatively speaking, she can sit down at the piano and pluck out a seemingly meaningful tune (lessons soon to come!). She is prissy, and thinks she is only beautiful when she is wearing a dress or a skirt as part of her outfit (we've reassured her beauty has more to do with her heart). She is also intuitive and notices things someone older than her might miss. She really does have a tender heart.

For all of these things and more, and today as I still find room for her in my lap, I wonder about what she will be like in the coming years. I pray for spiritual growth, personal protection, and for the meaning of her name ("light") to be shined in the best way she can give.

Still, I love to think back on those early times with her, especially when it was often just the two of us in Chesapeake, Virginia. During Paul's internship year (when his work schedule was like a deployment) we were as close as peanut butter and jelly. We went everywhere together and my days centered around her schedule and play. I knew then I would never have another experience with a child as I did with her then. (It is a rare day now to have one child alone to myself and for so long.) I was fortunate to have been oriented into motherhood with such a sweet girl.

Recently, this shoe, which Ellie has pretend played in since she was 2, broke. It was a bit sad, thinking of her then small, chubby foot toddling unsteadily along. Now, the shoe fits...and is broken. Time certainly has a way of getting past us, but there's nothing more precious than having the "other shoe" per-say. I have today and more steps to walk with her. What a joy and a privilege.

Five years. My how she has changed...and how she has changed me.

Funniest Family Moment...In Weeks

2011-03-28T17:51:00.000-07:00

The kids and I were outside this afternoon running around and waiting for Daddy to get home. It was then that I spotted a frog, and one that, well, seemed dehydrated. Although I knew the kids would love it, I also feared for the little critter. Kids seem to think that small jumpy things can be used the same as a bouncy ball.

Gladly, we all watched it hop around for a bit until we all decided (minus Luke) that the froggie needed a break and some water. We made it a make-shift water hole and checked in on it a few times over dinner.

For a long while it didn't move. Ellie was so worried it would die. Thankfully, we came back out for another visit to realize it had hopped off...but not too far. Since Paul was now home we all happily visited our little hydrated friend (who peed in Paul's hand) and then we all stood back and watched while THIS event happened.

I was told on Sunday after picking up Luke from the nursery that I have a "real boy" on my hands. After this event, I could never doubt it.

( I feel compelled to add that Luke was ONLY running around in his diaper at the moment because he had just been changed from his after-dinner clothes...which are always covered in food... and his diaper...both a mess).

Five In Five

2011-03-24T19:15:00.000-07:00

Ellie asked me for a calendar today so that she could see how many days were left until her birthday. She was excited and wide-eyed when we counted only five days until her fifth birthday. With that, she started laughing and applauding me with an array of strong high-fives.

Really, five, already Ellie Jeanne?!

Then again, when I look at her like this, in a new outfit that SHE picked out (thanks Great Grandma!), I know it's true.

I have so much more to say about this...and soon.

The Missed Carriage

2011-03-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

(PREFACE)
The past few weeks have been brutal. One difficult thing after another spiraled into heartbreak last Sunday night as I lost our fourth child, only a few weeks old. Writing this, typing out these keys, is reminiscent to how hard my heart was beating, how hard the hurt was hitting me, as the surprise child we didn't expect, the little one I could see in line with our other three, filling our final chair around the dinner table, that empty seat in our car, that extra baby in the bathtub, was no more.

I have a lot to say on this subject. Yet, so many of the pieces of the last few weeks, that which is difficult to make sense of, that which I do or don't feel like talking about right now, I do believe in time will be made more complete to me. God has been ever present in so many blatant trials that I can't deny His providence or grace.

I believe that life begins at conception. Thus I am now a mother with a child in heaven. As a friend prayed for me this week, "God, I don't know how you run your nursery in heaven..." Her prayer was precious and accurate. I believe our baby is now resting with our Lord. As I told another dear friend, if anyone else had to care for my child, Jesus is the best caregiver I could desire.
_________________________________________________

THE MISSED CARRIAGE

What a shock, what a delight

A positive in the form of a plus,

Little you, a token prize

We didn't expect,

But couldn't help,

But love.

For a week you were a shadow,

Our secret baby,

Putting presence in an empty chair,

Space in the back of the car,

Room with our girls or boy,

Rippling the bath tub with more bubbles,

Filling out sleepers and diapers I could imagine,

And all I could do was laugh and smile

And cry,

"Now?'

"How?"

"Help me Lord!"

And then finally,

"Yes,"

You were intended

And His grace is sufficient.

THEN PEACE PARTED.

You went back to your Creator

And I was left to read between the lines

With calloused eyes

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The proof of life come and gone.

"Help me hush my heart Lord!"
"I can't handle any more!"

But then
I saw the PLUS+
The small, positive cross
And I knew where you were.

Though His nursery in the sky
Isn't something I can fathom,
I know you are completely well.

If I haven't told you enough,
I love you,
I long for our reunion,
And until my death day,
Sweet baby,
I will always hold you close.

Almost As Sweet As The Real Thing

2011-03-01T12:10:00.000-08:00

I remember making up food treats as a kid, but nothing tops what Ellie came up with a few weeks ago. Here it is, her own version of healthy lollipops (a pretzel and a grape):

My guess is I had just told her she couldn't have the real thing:)

ABC Activity 3

2011-03-01T11:54:00.000-08:00

Here are yet more letters and ideas for you home teachers. Enjoy!

L for ladybugs

M for marshmallows

N for the number nine

O for O's

P for polka dots

Q for question marks

R is for rabbits and R's

S is for stars

T is for turtles and T's

How To Make Your DISNEY Dream (with young children) Come True!

2011-02-25T16:27:00.000-08:00

OPERATION DISNEY.
My Goal:

I want to have FUN although I have small children (and thus I am truly never on vacation). I want my small children to have fun, although they will surely wear out (and some of them will not remember the trip except for pictures). I want to make the most of it and thus be able to replay the days we spent there in my memory bank in years to come.

OUTCOME: Success!

Here is how we made it work.

TIPS:

1. PLAN AHEAD. I wanted to truly make the details easy for myself when we pulled into Orlando, so I organized the trip first in my mind and then set out to find the things that would make it fun--and easy.

A few things I did for several weeks:
---Stocked up on snacks when on sale (I packed two huge bags worth of food items for the trip. We stayed in a condo, but I also made sure I packed A LOT of snacks, lunches, and drinks for every day we were in the park. When there, I packed the lunches at night so we got out of the door early each day!
---Searched and bought Disney shirts (one for each kid per day in the park) at various stores (where there were discounts! Target, Wal-Mart, Ross, and TJ Maxx was mainly where I had success.) So many little girls (in particular) are dressed up when there and I wanted our kids to feel as special. Our girls couldn't wait (at nights) to see what I would lay out for them for the next day.
---Went to Party City and planned out special goodies for the kids each morning. I decorated the table in our condo each morning with different themed plates (hints as to who we would be seeing) and placed goody bags filled with toys, candy, crayons, play-do, etc. near their breakfast chairs. This way, they really NEVER asked for anything they saw in shops while in the park! They also had something to then use in their backpacks while they waited in lines!

2. We made the trip a SURPRISE for the kids. We told them when we were heading out to the car the morning of and no sooner! We then put them in the car and watched Disney videos all the way there (8 hours for us). It was easier to keep the secret then to hear anxious questions about it for days and weeks! Here was their reaction (Ellie was in SHOCK for a few minutes even after this was taken).

3. STROLLERS. Wow, Disney, especially Magic Kingdom, is like stroller heaven. Stroller parking (around the rides) is everywhere and convenient, and YES, your older toddler NEEDS to ride in a stroller. We walked 30 MILES IN THREE DAYS so I can't stress that one enough. I bought an upgraded umbrella stroller for Ellie at Target just for the trip (one with a basket too...you will want to use the space). We took our double stroller for the other two and it worked out great...it's just hard to hold it in your lap when you are boarding the tram over from the parking lot:) I also tied a special hair tie around each stroller so I could find it. It's maddening, but the workers there move and reorganize strollers, so definitely tag yours.

4. INVITE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS/FRIENDS ALONG! They are not only good help, but the best company. Vacations are certainly more fun when they are shared. (And as an added plus, have an awesome sister that wins her qualifying round on the American Idol Experience!)

5. For those young ones under two, count on them needing half days. Poor Aimee and Luke were near PERFECT the first day (they really never wined, cried, or seemed to tire), but by day 2, they were EXHAUSTED. If I had to do it over, I would go for a week, get the same 4-day park hopper tickets we did, but take a day off in-between. The grown-ups needed it too.

6. Take the park short-cuts. Use the fastpass tickets. See all the characters you can. Definitely go to the shows, parades, etc. If a kid gets sick, don't fret, your mom is there to save the day and you are still free to take at least one kid with you out for the day (thanks Mom...and we let her go back out that night)!

7. Don't put off going if you are debating going. We knew we wanted to go before we got out of the military (thus the great discounts) and we moved away from Florida. We did think about waiting until the kids were older, but now I realize that the MAGIC only lasts for so long. Ellie (at nearly 5) was a perfect age. She thought everything she saw was real. My dental hygienist old me that she waited to bring her daughter for the first time until she was 7 and a lot of the magic had worn off already by then. Plus, kids under 3 are FREE!

Also, Ellie was tall enough at 4 to even ride most of the roller coasters (that she would want to ride). Here is video proof (Thunder Mountain). Our big girl raised her hands too!

In the end, you will travel home with happy, young kids and you will be all smiles too.

ARROW OF AFFECTION

2011-02-14T09:35:00.000-08:00

Dear Valentine,

Yes, you. You know who you are. You are the one who I love.

You waited for me long ago. You walk with me today. You never leave me alone to my own regard. You choose to stay, to know me better, and see me in my best and worst.

Days with you, though not always magic, are meaningful. For that, I love you more.

Our love has multiplied. What we couldn't have imagined has happened three times over.

Today will come again next year, but not the same. What remains constant is your arrow of affection, your heart of gold.

You are my Valentine each day, my best friend, my other half--and God has planted you to perfection in my life.

You have my heart.

Thanks Tammie!

2011-02-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

My sweet friend Tammie (of Trek with Tammie) nominated me for a blog award. The award is a "pass it on" sort of award, but to me, it was like a hug from the past to the present from a good friend. I haven't seen Tammie in years, but the times I spent with her on the campus of Lake Swan Camp reminds me of everything summer, laughter abounding, and meaningful all day conversations about matters of the heart and of God.

Here was the "to-do" list linked with the award:

Thanks and link back to the blogger who passed this award onto you. Share 7 things about yourself. Award 15 (or however many you want) other recently discovered great bloggers. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.

Seven things about me...

As most of you have read and know, my life is sort of an open book, so finding something new to say about me is a challenge. I can honestly say that I have more than a handful of good friends that I could run into after years apart and find no time lost. They are the type of friends that I often wish were my neighbors and I could share my married/kids life with on a daily, seasonal basis. I've often joked to many of them that we should all live on the same street someday, only to then say, "I guess that is heaven." Still, my life is never dull and full of adventure. I have the best husband for me and we have been blessed to the brim with our three children. What more is there to say?

I guess I will have to resort to telling you some things of recent days--some odd, some simple facts.

1. I recently discovered I was addicted to gum. No, really. With our second child born, I started my daily fix of coffee in the morning (which I do not apologize for). When number three came around, I discovered that in times of stress, also known as claustrophobic moments with needy, screaming, kids and when I was unable to leave the house, I was chewing, chewing, gum. I didn't put two and two together right away, but I believe that this habit led to stressful sleep, a clenched jaw at night, and eventually, small holes in my teeth (and two cavities--and I had never had one of these). When the dentist gave me a mouth guard to wear at nights, I started to realize in picking up another piece of gum during the day that this habit was non-productive for me. Though I have loved my gum chewing over the years, it was no longer worth it to me. One day I flat gave it up. Now, at least I can say I save my family a few more dollars every week. Mints are just as good anyway:)

2. I miss working out. I thought about posting on Facebook this week, "I look forward to getting back into shape sometime in my thirties." I have always been an athlete, but during the home/work day I am a mother first. I am running around plenty (and thanks to Luke my upper body strength is easily maintained), but I do miss the carefree days of being able to work out or run regularly, without having to wait for help to be here to actually get out the door.

3. Three is a lot of kids. I watch the Duggars on "19 Kids and Counting" on TLC and really wonder what is wrong with me. The parents are so laid back, so gentle, so calm. I have days where I feel completely crazy with my three. I'm starting to get the "So, are you done?" question alongside with "Do you think you will have a fourth?" Usually about this time with my youngest, I have been expecting again. Certainly, it feels strange (and nice) at the same time to be in a different day, while watching all three play (fairly) well together. All I can say for now about if we are done is, "Yes, for today." God only knows about tomorrow.

4. I am working on another book. More to come on that later (and when I say "later" I may mean a few years).

5. I was recently diagnosed with Steatocystoma Multiplex, a big word for basically having small tumors under my skin (and in various areas in my body). This mainly just confirms what I have known all of my life--I have bad skin:) I recently had surgery under my arms to remove some of the cysts and see "what they were." Eight stitches later I learned that they are benign. Knowing I have something with a name on it makes me even more aware of how short life is.

6. I wonder if Lexington, Kentucky is a "meant to be" place for us. I keep telling myself that this upcoming move is our second to last move. When Paul's 4 year Radiology residency work ends there, for the first time in my young or adult life I will actually have a "say" in where we look to move "for good." Though, having not considered that maybe Kentucky has more in store for us than we might imagine, I do wonder what God has planned for our family there. Though, I know I am not at all prepared for the winter weather. Florida has certainly spoiled me over the last three years.

7. I discovered during our lengthy list of things to do to prepare to sell our home that my LEAST enjoyed housework chore is actually not ironing, but....cleaning the oven! Oh my goodness, there is nothing good about it, though a shiny oven is nice to look at.

My FAVORITE chore in selling our home (if there has to be one) is...helping Paul take down a tree in the backyard. That was just plain fun.

As far as my nominees for best blogs to visit:

I don't want this to be a cop-out for listing sites, but there are too many to name and I fear leaving one out. I will say that I love blogs by missionaries, young moms (and some of those that are adopting), and blogs of friends. If you are in that list, know me, and have a blog, consider yourself a winner!

It is a precious thing to share life with others.

The Little Things

2011-02-10T07:48:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that Luke was once this small, newly home from the hospital, and a little bundle of baby easily snug in this chair.

I am enjoying the comedic moments while packing, and especially this scene, as Luke's baby car seat was headed for the attic, but soon something fun to play in. All of my kids have climbed back into something as time has passed that they once spent time in as little ones. Though, I am certain Luke never had this much fun in his seat when he was strapped in it.

Paul and I stopped the after dinner clean up the other night too and played for a long while with the kids in Luke's room. We are wearing out a bit with the constant list of things to-do, and we all needed a moment to leave it for another minute. It was hard to get a still picture of all that was going on, but as you can see, the kids were still full of plenty of energy before bed. Paul, not so much.

(Notice Piper's tail even made this one:)

What I Am Up To

2011-02-02T08:41:00.000-08:00

Oh gracious, where do I begin?

The work involved in selling our first home together is completely overwhelming. My friends have asked me what more we could possibly do to our home, having worked on it steadily for the three years we have lived in it. Yes, true, it does look presentable "as is." Yet, in this economy and time, if we desire a decent sale (as the market continually drops) we have to be OCD with details. Even closets have to be neatly organized and ready for show to better ensure a sale, as many homes, overpriced and unprepared for lookers, sit and sit. Already we have had to rent a storage space to de-clutter, even though I consider myself one organized gal. Though I am enjoying less things around the house to dust, I am missing the family feeling that comes with letting things be wherever they happen to fall.

Paul and I being work horses, have had three weeks now of putting the kids to bed and getting right to work with such tedious skill. Forget television watching (I've heard some about American Idol, but alas...), a moment to break from an already long day with three children, preparing meals, running out for groceries and doctor appointments, etc. No, the nights are now to the house. Just yesterday in our official walk-through with our Realtor the to-do list we thought we had completed became longer than the last. I really have no earthly idea how we are supposed to get all of these things done with the amount of work that is already on us on any given day. Paul is also working overtime, which allows for no moment of sanity for him. At this point I seriously wish I could ask a hologram version of Paul to do the things he has to get done around here so that my real, loving husband could catch a break.

There is so much to consider right now--if we will sell, if we will take a loss, when we will sell, and if our military papers will align in the proper time with that move (or otherwise we will be moving ourselves). Then, I wonder where we should live in Kentucky, how all of those details will work out, and where Ellie will go to school. I wonder about finances as we are heading into residency life and taking a huge cut on our family. I wonder. I worry. I pray.

In times like these, I am so thankful for God's presence. HE has been with me, and yes, growing me up too, during this time of loss of energy and low emotion. Just the other day, and while looking for a kid's praise CD for us to listen to in the kids' playroom, I found an extra CD with Christian kid's songs on it that I hadn't yet opened. The first song brought me to tears and has been singing in my head since. When it plays the girls know it is my "favorite":

"Oh Lord, our Lord, you will keep us safe. You will protect us. You will keep us safe, and watch over us, in our comings and goings forever. Oh Lord, our Lord, you will keep us safe. You will protect us. You will protect us."

God's Word, truth, and guidance at this time to me means more than so many other things. HE is giving me everything I need and providing me with the strength to get up and do it again the next day.

I do however, covet your prayers for STRENGTH, trust, and hope. We are even praying that that family that buys this home will be believers. As Ellie asked Christ into her heart in her room here, we pray that others will shine his light from these simple walls.

So, if my posts as sporadic for a while, you know where I am. I will let you know when we are perhaps having more of a minute to sit...or are again on the move.

A Prize and a Punishment

2011-02-02T08:11:00.000-08:00

I received two prizes this past week.

One absolutely blew me away. In seeing it I instantaneously picked up Ellie and spun her around in sheer joy.

I knew Ellie was making an early Valentine for her teacher at school, and she had asked me for an envelope (as usual) to put her artwork in. What I didn't anticipate was the finished product--the writing of her entire name by memory on it, and the result of only ONE writing session I had with her a few days prior. I couldn't believe it. Despite all of the painful looks people give me as they TRY to read and say my last name (which ISN'T hard), with all of those R's and N's I knew my children would have to endure, I could see that my Ellie, and at four, could write her entire name!

It was a proud moment as a mom for sure. Ellie even wrote "Hi" by a heart underneath. I asked her how she knew how to write that word. She didn't know and said she just knew.

The other supposed prize, meant to be a treat and break for me in a very hectic time, became more so of a punishment. As I posted on Facebook that day, it was the absolute worst fortune cookie message I have ever seen or received. It did make me laugh uncontrollably for a minute however, as I was currently taking a break from the one thing my "fortune" was telling me to get back to doing.

There's no mistaking which one was more of a treat for me.

Yes, It's Personal

2011-01-19T20:00:00.000-08:00

Moving is the pits. Forget the fact that I have known this time was coming for a year. Disregard the last few months/weeks of going through every drawer, closet, and box, taking trips in my car to donate items, filling trash bags with unimportance, giving things away, preparing things to sell, and organizing items in "preparation" for the transition ahead.

No, until that first picture is taken off of the wall, the nail behind it is removed, the hole is filled with plaster, and paint covers any evidence of that picture's existence, than then, and only then, does the fact that you are moving become real, scary real. Your house from that project on becomes a place to stay, a place to enjoy for the time being, and a place that brings the first set of tears as you look around and see invisible fingerprints all over it--and while you are dismantling the very personality of what has seemingly made it a part of your family.

When our Realtor met with us this past week and told us he would return in a week after we had some time to "take everything personal down," I went into moving mode. If you've never been in this state, then you are not familiar with the mode's robotic means--doing things quickly before emotion sets in and you tire out. Without much thought that first night after our exam-like homework was given, I went directly to my most difficult items to cover up--the pictures of my babies. Without the Realtor needing to know, I left the frames in their place and covered their precious faces with pictures of Pensacola beach, a place near and dear to us here. It is my way of coping. It is my way to try and convince the prospective buyer that behind these frames, and if one looks long enough, people that love each other have lived here.

It's not like I haven't done this before. Moving is my step-sister/middle name. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love being in a new place. I love meeting new people. I love experiencing God in a foreign way. Then again, I hate starting over. I will miss my old friends. I want to remain where God is using me and growing me here and now.

I have a hard time looking into the next decade and seeing myself "somewhere "even though I've never known roots. What I do know is that after our four years in Kentucky end, we will move again and to a place that for the first time in my life I will have a say in choosing. Unlike the teenage question of "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" I really can't see through the fog from now to then. I just know that I long for an attic free of boxes stored for the next time...

"Mommy, when are we going to get a sign in our yard?" Ellie asked me the other day.

"I don't know," is all I could say.

I do know that I will be writing my initials in my closet before we leave (something I have done in former homes since I was a teenager). Heck, I might even sign my name on this one.
_______________________________________________________

(This picture was taken while I was watching Ellie ride her bike down the street. Our current home is in the background.)

32 Equals Another Day

2011-01-14T12:14:00.000-08:00

Currently I am sitting on Ellie's bed waiting for Aimee to take her nap. I say "waiting" because I keep looking up at her tucking yet another baby doll or stuffed animal into her covers. Her eyes are no where near close to closing and her ponytails are increasingly getting more messed up from her head hitting the pillow over and over. Now that Aimee is getting older falling asleep in the afternoon is getting harder (thus, my presence). However, just as I told her, Ellie, and Luke moments ago as we sat in the car in the garage (having just come from picking Ellie up at preschool) my favorite gift about my birthday this year is them. I don't need or want for anything, not even tradition in any form of its familiarity. Paul apologized to me last night on our dinner date that I wouldn't be waking up to steamers or a cake today, which I convinced him didn't matter. In this minute of watching Aimee squirm, listening to Luke next door, and watching Ellie keep peaking her head in here wondering when I will be done, I understand the gift of another day. I am consumed with thanks on this my 32nd year of life.

It's funny, but today I woke up early, gave Luke a bottle, went back to sleep, got up again, and began feeding the kids breakfast before I remembered it was my birthday. Oh how times have changed. I've spent today teaching preschool to Aimee, taping window sills and floorboards with blue painter's tape, and shoveling mouths with food and our car with kids. Nothing special yes, but no. It's everything I needed to do and everything I love doing. I know more will come today and yes, some celebration, but if this was it than that is more than fine.

Just as I told Paul last night, my birthday becomes less significant as an event each year just as my appreciation for how blessed I am continues to grow. If you would have asked the 15 year old me what I would want of my life at 30 I would have told you of what I have been given today--a family, a home, a good job, some writing under my belt, and a continual desire to be closer to God. When I think then about "what more" will come of the years I will be given, I am challenged in my faith. I am also aware of my need to take moments to pause and keep memories for the future.

Even now, I just received another gift. Aimee is finally asleep and surrounded by her perfectly placed plush friends all around her. She looks so contended and warm in her pink snowman flannel sheets. The room buzzes with the sounds of her white noise machine and the quiet taps of these keys.

Thank you God.
_____________________________________________________
At my age, here is another reason for gratitude, a four generation picture with my Grandma Moore, my mother, and my daughter Ellie.

Cover-Up

2011-01-09T19:08:00.000-08:00

When Ellie's hand reaches into my make-up bag, I prepare myself for a question. She loves to watch me when I am powdering my face and coloring my eyes, though she doesn't at all understand what I am doing to myself and why.

"Mommy, why do you wear make-up?"
"What is this?"
"Are you finished with this? Can I have it?"
Do I need make-up?

It's hard to tell a four year old girl, who is standing on the top of the tub rim looking at herself in the mirror behind you, that she is beautiful regardless as you prepare your own face for the world. However, humans cover up things, and everyday that I take the time to add paint to my profile I consider this fact.

Right now, Paul and I are also undergoing the stress of preparing to sell our first home bought together. It's ironic really that the house is finally at the point of no longer needing a major face-lift here or there, having been covered with new and fresh touches all over. Still, before we move we will depersonalize it so that another family sees it in their own eyes and for themselves. Thus, we are continuing to work hard to cover up our sadness of a place come and soon to be gone.

Yesterday and in the mall alone, I was shopping in a store (with a gift card) that was far more high end than I am accustomed. Honestly, I felt lost in the price tags and the music that seemed to yell, "Buy, spend, you are worth it!" in my ears. Looking around, I saw the cover-up of truth in a life totally depraved and lost in self. What a lie to think that things secure happiness! Sure, it's satisfying to have one's arms covered in shopping bags, but when one leaves the store so does the music.

I continue to battle (as I am sure many of you do) the daily act and need of covering myself up in God. In my own strength, I am making up a face far less ready to bring truth to others perishing. I want to have a heart that reflects natural honesty from my mirror to the bag boy at my local grocery store. Even I question myself as Ellie does during the day when I reach my hand towards something else instead of the Word.

"Self, why are you so covered up in other things?"
"Why is this?"
"Are you finished with that yet?

3 Things

2011-01-02T19:39:00.000-08:00

The other day Ellie was talking with her Papa Lew in Atlanta while holding one of her new princess dolls. He was telling her that someday she was going to be the queen of her house. What she said next cracked us up:

"No, I can't be three things--A doctor, a mommy, and a queen."

Funny girl.

The Way It Is

2011-01-02T19:26:00.000-08:00

When we aren't merely smiling directly at the camera, this is how it is.

I love my family.

Christmas 2010 Recaptured

2011-01-02T18:22:00.000-08:00

On Christmas eve this year, with a full house of family and sleeping girls rooming nearby, my heart felt so full. Four generations slept under our roof if but for a few nights. Laughter rung loud and true from house corner to corner. Kid's smiled and played until they begged for bed. It was a Christmas like none other and I already wish I could relive it.

Advent nights with our magnetic calendar were appropriate and my favorite tradition.

The moment before the first ornament graced our tree was no where near as still as this still picture.

Holding hefty Luke in the same spot where I held him as a newborn last year brought reflection (and wrestling moves to keep him from the branches).

Gifts were happily made and given to teachers.

Sprinkles rained on cookies.

Our first "Cookies All Day with Dad" was established.

Great Grandma arriving at the airport was happily not a discreet event.

Desserts were made and eaten....and eaten.

Time spent with family was our best gift.

Chaos with family stopped time.

Hello Kitty made one little girl glow.

And later in Atlanta, a little boy couldn't help but want to be near the tree at all times.

Being in the middle of it all was where the kids wanted to be.

We loved every minute and cherish every moment.

To the times not pictured I want to remember:
1. The homemade snowflakes the girls and I made one day and hung all over the house.
2. Aimee singing "Johny The No-Man" instead of "Frosty The Snowman" to the cartoon song.
3. Ellie doing her impromptu performances at home to her Christmas preschool program songs.
4. Christmas morning--opening our door to all of the family already up and ready to see the kids' expressions.
5. Going to see Tangled with Sharyn and my girls (while the girls held their princess dolls in the theater).
6. Taking the girls over to Grandpa Bear's home for a visit.
7. The way the kids started to fall apart (emotionally) at the end of Christmas break and Aimee's refusal to get out of the car when we returned home because she wanted to go back to her grandparent's home.
8. Asking Paul (just now) what his favorite part of Christmas was this year and him saying, "Time with you."

Modern Christmas Card Take 2010

2010-12-13T12:30:00.000-08:00

This is our family Christmas card this year. Sorry to disappoint anyone who might be looking for a tangible one in the mail. I have been sending out cards of our family since it was just the two of us in 2003. That year, I even made homemade fold-able cards for a rare few, which I am sure at the time was as much as our budget could lend.

However, as time will continue to tell, we adapt and we change. The way media is today, I know many are caught up in the world of what we look like, what we are up to, and how the kids are growing. I am sure these little ones in this picture will someday laugh at the thought that there was a time when you could NOT view a friend at the click of a mouse or phone icon. I am thankful in return I am able to keep up with many of you better than I could without such means.

Regardless, I took the time to share our modern family card that to us still means a lot to share. We love our family and friends and enjoy celebrating this season with you.

(Click on it to see it larger.)

As one of our traditions, the kids are wearing their matching Christmas pajamas--a gift they get early and enjoy throughout December together. I got these this year because they are "Paul Frank" ones (Paul's name is Paul FrankLIN). Luke's set even says, "Small Paul" on his, which was perfect for him.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Cheerio Luke!

2010-12-09T11:58:00.000-08:00

Here is Luke's first birthday cake, soon to be devoured today. I went through numerous possible themes in my mind for weeks to land on the one thing he can't seem to get enough of in this stage of his life--Cheerios. So, here you have it--a "Lukeio" cake drizzled with chocolate and topped with his favorite cereal.

Luke, getting excited, or perhaps hungry:)

A familiar food, just larger, less crunchy, and sweeter.

A Luke original flavor.

The birthday boy with his own "box cake."

Happy 1st birthday son!

The Boy And The Bear

2010-12-09T11:47:00.000-08:00

I am honestly sad to see our bear pictures on "A Look At Luke" come to an end. Though only the close of his first months, it has been a fast and furious time with our third born. From the initial moments with Luke in the hospital (and with his "It's A Boy" bear) we have watched him grow into a little man much larger than the initial, cuddly, small bundle we received as our first Christmas present last year.

As the updates on the tabs here do change, I thought I would transfer those precious first months with Luke and his boy bear here for keeps. I added a few extra pictures with the two at the end which brings this first chapter of his life to a close--from the first day in the hospital in his bed to his bed here at home and before his afternoon nap on his first birthday.

Watch me grow!

Since I was born on December 9th, I haven't stayed little long.

Here I am a newborn with my bear, and then each milestone month.

Finally, 12 months old and growing...

A-U-B-U-R-N

2010-12-08T08:14:00.000-08:00

I thought I would post some of our pictures from the SEC Championship game. Paul, his dad, and I were able to barely make it in (finding tickets from perhaps the ONLY scalper outside the entire stadium) and had a great time--even from the nosebleed section. We even got to high-five Cam Newton, Auburn's quarterback (set to perhaps win the Heisman trophy).

Taken right after the first touchdown.

Cam Newton with Pat Dye.

Cam doing his thing with the fans.

Thanking God...

VIDEO: Luke's First Steps

2010-12-01T12:02:00.000-08:00

ABC Activity 2

2010-12-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

Here is Ellie's second installment of decorated letters from school. I especially liked the letter K.

Attention To Detail

2010-11-29T14:50:00.000-08:00

There he was, Santa Claus, at our mall, and two weeks before Thanksgiving. No children or parents were standing in the lines of draped red rope, which led straight to the human being and one who had done a heck of a job on his crisp, white, hair and beard. In seeing him, the kids and I were forced to stop. We were all in some sort of jingle bell shock. Outside it was 70 degrees, though to my toddlers this wasn't a passing thought. In an instant, my efforts to keep Christmas coming under wraps melted.

Then it happened. Santa stood and squatted in just the right way, locked eyes directly with my girls and waved. They couldn't believe it. Santa was already here?! Even the passers by, perhaps as perplexed as I was, seemed to shrug off the scene and shake their heads as they tried to avoid the larger than life set-up.

Then it was over. No longer could I convince the kids that Christmas was still weeks away. Now it was seemingly lost and found to an alone, old man sitting in an over-sized king-like chair, probably whispering something about consumer shopping to his helper elf beside him. I quickly bolted toward the nearest mall exit, pushing and pulling my now unhappy kids in and alongside their heavy double stroller.

Oh the details of our modern Christmas.

It seems December comes sooner in every year that I get older. This year I even saw Christmas decorations at a local store at the end of October. Not that I minded seeing less creepy things hung overhead and everywhere during Halloween, I am just growing to long for the details of Christmas in my every day life that many things strewn to appease my wallet, appetite, and spirit, are having less of an effect.

Take these cookies for instance. Ellie and I wanted to have something to take with us to Birmingham for Thanksgiving and decided to attempt snowman sugar cookies (seen below). However, our first batch of cookies came out too small, and plan ??? was sent into motion. With the same candies in hand, we came up with our own version of a turkey cookie.

The next batch was made in the proper size and were far easier and faster to assemble, which made me feel as cheery as they looked.

It's interesting, that at least to me, the turkeys looked stressed, unhappy, dare I say, dead. The snowmen, however, who played out more simple to make, were far more happy in their complexion and stable in their construction.

The details of a consumer holiday individual versus a Christian, Christmas participant is often not much different. At times, we can even resemble each other in our attitude and appearance this time of year. Personally, I have to choose on a daily basis how I want to be presented in my own heart to those around me. Certainly, I want to be the aroma of Christ (2 Corinthians 2:15) and not a fool who acts as though there is no God (Psalm 53:1) to revere and worship while busying myself with strings of lights and lists of things not yet bought.

Yesterday, alone, and while at Target "shopping" (unsuccessfully), I was contemplating the expressions of people as they frantically searched for something. When I eventually reached the check-out line and was waiting my turn, the poor cashier couldn't get a certain item to scan and in her agitation actually yelled out, "JESUS!" I hung my head. How have we come so far as to remember the name and not the real, human baby born, who doesn't just sit in a mall, but is knocking at hearts even now?

Oh the details of our sacred JESUS--so rich, pure, joyous and different. He truly stands alone.

Ellie's New Birthday

2010-11-17T08:49:00.000-08:00

To say "it has been a week" in our home usually implies some sort of time we managed live through with fragility. This hasn't been one of "those" weeks.

This week has come with more than merely milestones to be crossed off, though Luke did take his first steps on Saturday (actually, a first set of jumps up and down and to the word "yea" while watching an Auburn football game...ha).

(Like this:)

This week has actually encountered the cross. The chasm between our first born Ellie (4 1/2) and her salvation has been in full view in the past month. Paul and I could see her struggles between things that are light and dark, good and bad, and in her reactions and moments of repentance, we knew she was thinking about Jesus--his gift of life to her--and whether of not she wanted to see her chasm of sin bridged.

As a parent, this has of course been our #1 desire. Since her first night to bed on earth, we have prayed, as we do with all of our children, that they would "come to know Christ at an early age." However, when it comes time for maturity and understanding, and you are watching your child walk and stumble and still choose to continue to fall, this prayer in faith becomes a deep longing for your child.

As we have been sharing the gospel specifically and understandably to Ellie more and more over the last months, we have desired to see her come to her own understanding of what all of this means, not simply desire to have her be a mouthpiece of us and only be able to repeat the right answers. At times, we could actually see her taking it in, whereas in other times, we could see her looking away from it. Never have we pushed her to take it, but have merely loved her and tried to reflect Jesus in the way that we parent her throughout the day (use of scripture and His principles).

However, in moments of specific talking to her about "how" she can come to salvation, we always made sure we ended a conversation clearly. Although one might think that a four year old is too young to understand basic principles and stories of God, she is proof of the opposite.

Last week while I was reading my bible and eating my cereal she came up to me directly and said, "Mommy, I want to ask Jesus in my heart." I was floored. "You do?!" I exclaimed, not wanting to cry in joy or scratch my head in unbelief at the same time. She then showed me some sticker art that she had made, which on the back she pointed out that her heart was on the cross with Jesus. She and I decided that she would wait until Daddy came home and we would discuss it more. Though I debated praying with her right then and there, I knew I didn't have the adequate time in our rush out of the door to do so.

That night, Paul and I went through everything with Ellie again--why Jesus came, who He was on earth, His sacrifice on the cross, His resurrection, where He is now, etc. and in asking her if she was ready she said, "I just want to wait." We ended our time with her in prayer (trying not to look disappointed) and could feel how close she was, but we didn't want to rush what He was already doing in her.

Then, and on Monday morning, I was going about my mom business getting all of the kids fed, dressed, and ready to take Ellie to preschool. As usual, I was giving Ellie a pep talk about the new week, discussing how she could act well and added, as I have in times past, "Keep thinking about Jesus, and if you might like to ask him in your heart." Her reply was immediate and seriously specific:

"Mom, I asked Jesus in my heart last night."

"You did!" I practically shrieked back.

She then told me how after I had put her and Aimee to bed the previous night, that she "just decided" to get down on the floor by her bed in the dark, on her knees, fold her hands and pray to God. She told me that she prayed:

"Jesus, thank you for coming to this earth and into my heart. Amen."

Her experience was confirmed that night when Paul came home and took her back to her room and she showed him, prayer again and all, what she had done. Later that night, we again talked with her about what all of this meant, and asked her if she would like to add in a prayer to Jesus to "take away all of her sins." She excitedly said yes. So again, on her knees and by her bed, she prayed, on her own:

"Jesus, thank you for coming to this earth and coming into my heart. Please take away all of my sins for today. Amen."

Of course, we explained to her that He would forever take away her sins, but her prayer was plenty faith-filled. Paul and I then sat back and watched our first born delight in her new birth, and the one she had come to on her own the night before, and on her new birthday: November 15, 2010.

Paul and I then informed Ellie of when we had both come to salvation--and at the age of 4. We hadn't told her this before because we also didn't want that moment in our lives to be a milestone she thought she should cross off in a routine manner.

We also told her that we wanted to get her a new bible. During this same week, Ellie had started looking through my own bible that I received when I was born to new life. Ironically, the date in my bible was only a 6 week difference in time from her age to mine when we were both young girls. She loved all of the realistic looking pictures in my old bible and enjoyed, even when the lights were out, using her nightlight to help her still see the pictures in the bible that she let rest on her nightstand when she was ready for rest.

Last night we ventured out to Family Bookstore and found Ellie her own bible, and one that at least reminded Paul and I of the one I'd had (with bible story drawings inside). We opened it up with her last night and went through the story of Jonah. She is already excited about taking it with her on Sunday to "big church."

As I told Ellie this week, when it was time for her to receive her own bible, my old bible would then go to Aimee. So, as Ellie was opening up her new Word, Aimee was ecstatic about receiving my childhood treasure. Even Piper (our cat) enjoyed all of the nestling together with scripture.

So, this has been quite the week. For sure, I need to tell Ellie that even the angels rejoiced! For sure, and on this earth, her parents are praising!

Luke 15:10

"In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

(My 4 year old bible / Ellie's 4 year old bible)

ABC Activity

2010-11-12T07:44:00.000-08:00

Ellie has come home each Friday with a folder full of crafts from her week of preschool. I have mostly enjoyed seeing which letter she has (re)learned and how she decorated it. I thought I would share her first installment, so as to perhaps inspire you to try any of these at home.

A - is for apples
B - is for beans
C -is for cotton
D - is for dots
E - is for eyes
F - is for fingerprints
G -is for glitter

I will share the next batch soon!

Unfinished and Unrefined

2010-11-09T11:24:00.000-08:00

I am the first one to admit it––this mom job is tough and sometimes, even on a not-so-bad day, really wears me out. A few nights ago, I was trying to process all that had been going on in my job recently. This is what came out. The title speaks for itself:

UNFINISHED AND UNREFINED

When the walls feel like they're caving in

'cause the cries just bounce and blast,

When the day seems to never end

and Daddy can't get home too fast,

When tempers flare and no one shares,

and food falls on the floor,

When the television talks and you fold socks,

and you dream of catching a snore,

When you plan something fun,

and never leave the house,

When your pajamas see the sun and moon

and so does your spouse,

When everyone needs a change,

and you just need a minute,

When a little heart stumbles

and you get caught up in it,

When quiet gives way to a dirty scene

And you are left to stand and stare then

clean, clean, clean,

When bruises are bandaged,

and hair untangled,

When smashed toys are brought

and are somehow un-mangled,

When mouths are checked for teeth

and diapers run out,

When you are wiped

and your contacts like a drought,

When Cheerios hide under the couch,

and you can't seem to sit,

When stomachs are tossed,

and you catch the end of it,

When one is struggling to the bathroom,

and you are the herding rancher,

When a question is asked,

and you muddle through your answer,

When bellies have no pit,

and the house is never clean,

When the phone rings,

and kid decibels cling,

When you love your role,

and you wish it all was easy,

Then you realize

It isn't about you--

and all and your complaining is measly.

For tomorrow may come

Or it might not

In the same way it did before

With you and your tot.

So enjoy the simple,

Try to smile through the hard,

For that sweet, young dimple

won't always be in your yard.

For all that's accomplished

and all that's left to be learned,

Give thanks in all circumstances

and let not your joy be turned.